Rob Reid Online

ROBBLOG #377 W E E K E N D Edition

2012-02-10T00:15:00.000-05:00

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Words from a supreme being not of this earth?

Nope.

Bill Shakespeare- and damn good ones too.

Way back in the mid-to-late 60’s a friend’s Mother spake these “bon mots” to me.

I thought she was so smart.

“Unto thine own self be true.”

I thought she had me figured out pretty well.

Maybe she did.

About two years ago I was able to tell this friend’s Mother that I had never forgotten what she said to me- even if it was Shakespeare’s holy words and not hers.

She smiled and half nodded.

They are tough words to live up to.

Put yourself first and then help others.

Be who you are not a facsimile of someone else.

Stand proud.

Make something of yourself using everything you have.

Use knowledge.

Presence.

Love.

Understanding.

The road can be long and there can be many pitfalls along the way. You have to learn how to dodge them. Many times we fall into life’s potholes several times before we learn how to walk around them- or crawl out of them at the very least.

I have just finished reading Margaret Trudeau’s (Kemper) latest book “Changing My Mind”.

It was terrific.

An uplifting experience.

Her words forced tears to flow more than twice.

Sometimes, quite un-expectantly.

Madame Trudeau travelled a difficult road. She was the wife of one of our most famous Prime Ministers when still but a girl. She lost the youngest of three sons- Michel, in an avalanche at Kokanee Glacier. She divorced a Prime Minister and re-married to have two more children. She mourned the passing of Pierre Elliot Trudeau with her children.

She fought demons through it all.

In her book she bares her soul.

Being through bouts of deep depression over the years, her words struck a chord within me.

On Page 280 (of Changing My Mind; Harper Collins) she writes-

“Like a small child I had to learn new responses to life:

Not to overreact in the face of criticism,

Not to wallow in shame and loathing,

Not to protect myself with delusion,

Not to blame others for my own inappropriate responses…..

The fifth stage, acceptance…

Like Mrs. Trudeau I too thought I was “condemned to a life of unhappiness.” (page 280 Harper Collins Changing My Mind) However, I tried to be true to myself.

I still do every day.

Sometimes it gets me in trouble. I try to lean on last year’s Resolution “Keep my mouth shut” but I do fail- occasionally.

The most important thing that I have learned in recent years and through Margaret Trudeau’s teachings in this book is summed up in those four short lines above.

Not to overreact.

Be proud of who I am.

Live a true, vivid life every day

and

I am my own liquor control board.

Ms. Trudeau didn’t say those words, a friend said those words to me years ago and it fits any given situation- not just when one is confronted with over-drinking.

I have learned that I am my own” board”.

I am in control.

My life’s consequences come from me- no one else.

It’s never too late to have an “Ah-Hah!” moment.

You know when you have one. The yellow brick road opens up in front of you. You click your heels and skip along staying true to you. Just being you and doing the best job you can.

This above all- To Thine Own Self- Be True.”

ROBBLOG # 376

2012-02-08T00:04:00.000-05:00

It's February.

I’m sitting here thinking of shaving my head and getting a big tattoo just above the crack of my butt.
What else is there to do or think about?

I'm not up for an Academy Award, a Genie or even a Juno this year.
I'm not doing any theatre, therefore- since I'm not learning dialogue, I have a lot of free time on my hands.
There's no renovation going on around the house like last year when a new master bath was under construction.
No painting either since that was all done last year at this time.
So, I have no cleanup duties to perform.

Since my family has dis-owned me and would rather not have me around- I'm such a bastard you know, that frees up a lot of time.
Yes, a lot of time!
Now I have even more time to think about devious ways to be a bastard to people who are outside my family.
Wait!
I've done that too.
Yes siree, being a bastard offers one a bunch of free time to do a bunch of important stuff.
Best of all it's free.
Doesn't cost me a cent.

Now listen, I am just having you on.
I am not a bastard.
I'm just passing time.
At least I don't believe that I am- no matter what people say.
Why?
What have you heard?
Nevermind.

I guess my day-to-day life seems pretty dull and calm compared to the rich and famous and media types.
I work and shop at the local WalMart.
I watch a bit of TV.
I read a book or two now and then. Right now it's Margaret Trudeau's "Changing my Mind".
It made me cry today.
What she went through with Pierre and loosing Michel to an avalanche.
She's been to hell and back but is still going strong.

Up next I go back and finish a book about Atheism. The jist of the book being that religion poisons everything.
A truthful read but heavy going.

Then, I watched a movie about the end of the world the other night. Light disppears and it's all dark. Most of it anyway- except here in Canada where life just goes on as normal.
Isn't it great living in this country knowing that the imaginary boarder protects us from all kinds of crap and nasty stuff?
It was a bit of a spooky film though. Shadowy shapes waiting for someone human to leave the "light" and snap them up and leave all their clothes and shoes and jewellery just lying in the street.
Funny though...
Only their outside clothes remained but not their underwear. So, wherever these shadowy figures live, they all stand around in their tighty whities.
The other night I flipped by another freeky film- Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. Fine performances from Joan Crawford and Better
Davis. A black and white film.
The first time I saw it on Television had to be on the old 21 inch black and white when I still lived at home. It brings back terrible childhood memories.
Not the movie- my family!
We were the last to have a colour television set. I was mortified when friends would come over and see an old console model black and white flickering away in my parent’s living room. We were too poor to have a rec room.

Oh, but the console was handsome in its day. Twenty one inches of glorious back and white screen. A turntable with 78, 45 and 33 r.p.m. speeds. An AM/FM Radio that lit up all green and red and sounded wonderful-even when I played my scratchy albums. There was an old 8 track in that console too.
Wow! Music on tape and not on a vinyl record. It was magical at the time.
The wave of the future!
The B&W console had stereo speakers with fuzzy brown covers interspersed with gold thread.
It was very pretty.
When I was alone in the house, I loved cranking the set up full blast to hear Motown artists reverberate throughout the room. Little nick-knacks shivered and shook on the shelves that were attached to the wall above.
It was heaven!

This all changed though when colour televisions became the norm. The black and white console became uninspiring and old-fashioned. We never had another console TV at my parent’s home. When the colour television came into the house it was called a Portable Television-even though it weighed a ton. It was housed in a brown metal cabinet that had a wooden, mac-tack type of covering on it. It was a beauty though.
Seeing the Beverley Hillbillies in colour was remarkable.
Now today, nothing less than 50 inches can really even be called a television.

So here I sit and ponder life in the month of February.
Maybe I'll shave my head?
Then get a tattoo?

I might even write a blog...

ROBBLOG # 375

2012-02-06T00:14:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was handling hot underwear- it had just come out of the dryer, when I had an epiphany.

I was lucky, I thought.

Very lucky.

I smiled as this warmth of discovery flushed over me. I may have been flushed from the dryer heat but just the same, I felt warm all over.

I pulled another pair of undies from the dryer.

"Look what I have"- I mumbled to myself.

Why I may only have 20 good years left- that according to a neighbour’s timeline once one hits 60 years of age, but they will be good ones. Age is certainly on my mind these days. It especially stands out when I read that Actor Ben Gazzara passed a few days ago at 81 years of age.

I still remember him from the 60’s and 70’s.

How did he get to be 80 plus?

It happens to us all.

I reach for a pile of socks inside the dryer, throw them on top of the washer and begin to match them up. There are many situations that bewilder and upset me at this stage of life.

Among those things?

My family.

I have given up on that. After all I only have 20 good years left. Not enough time to understand that mess. We’ve been talking about packing up and moving- far, far away. Time will tell.

Religion- the faith that is the poison of the masses, separating friends and family.

God Bless Atheism.

Conservative politics and a man who is changing the face of our country with a majority that really isn’t a majority since 60% of us voted for another party.

Then there’s winter, of course. I can’t change that but I can look at photographs and dream of a Hawaiian wind gently caressing my face.

It’s a good thing that “good” things outweigh the not so good things.

I have a roof over my head- that’s all paid for, with food in the fridge. Well, most days anyway. It’s a pain shopping for something to eat- especially if I’m going through a stretch of time when Tom’s away and it’s just me and the kids. What to eat is always the question of the day.

I am able to travel here and there. That’s good. There were even a few days when I removed myself from our mild winter back in January to Southern California. In the past year I have been to New York, Paris- twice, Mainz, Germany and Newport Beach California. In a few weeks I’ll add Paris for the third time within a year!

It’s just as wonderful as it sounds.

Be jealous!

I have a small circle- it’s getting smaller all the time, of friends I am grateful for these days. I don’t have a best friend really, just a few friends that pop into and out of my life. Today I have know many of these “friends” for many years. They have staying power, whereas there always seems to be a handful that comes in and out on one’s life every year or two. It’s a revolving door. I keep it well-oiled.

A newer friend told me the other day that Tom and I just can’t move, since she had just met us a couple of years ago.

What would she do without us?

Manage, I suppose.

That’s what we all do from day to day- manage.

Just try to keep a smile on our face and enjoy the various minutes of every day.

It’s a good thing to have a few bucks in one’s pocket.

That’s always nice.

I’m not rich, I just have a buck or two or three to buy a coffee, a 10 dollar tee shirt at Wal*Mart or a couple of light bulbs at the dollar store if the mood strikes me.

Having Tom in my life for 27 years is better than a good thing. It’s my whole life.

The pets that share our home are all good things.

Loving things.

Then, there’s all the stuff. The house, the clocks, the nutcrackers, the Santa Claus collection and more. All nice to have around but just stuff.

So the next time you’re pulling hot underwear from the dryer take a moment to marvel at all the good things in your life.

Like Scarlett O’Hara there’s not a heck of a lot of time to “think about it tomorrow.”

ROBBLOG #374 W E E K E N D Edition

2012-02-03T00:47:00.000-05:00

Today Wiarton Willie says spring is a few weeks away.

Our friends at “We’re In The Hayfield Now” sent us their 2012 Daylily Brochure and it arrived today.

Yesterday at Both Zellers and Canadian Tire brightly-coloured chair cushions were on display along with gazebos, watering cans and seeds.

It’s all downhill from here folks and it hasn’t even been a long uphill trip this winter to begin with. Heck, I was still riding my bike in January for pete’s sake!

If this is global warming- I’m impressed.

Very impressed.

I’m liking it.

A lot.

I do feel bad for the polar bears who are having difficulty finding ice to stretch out during short, sunny, arctic days but I think they’ll evolve.

At least I hope they will.

For me an early spring after a wimpy winter is a win-win.

I know we’ll save on Natural Gas consumption.

The electric heather in the bedroom was turned down a notch this winter compared with others.

I really do miss the warmth of summer.

I hate the cold and snow and believe me I have tried to love it but as an example, I can’t find anything good about a Carnival being held smack-dab in the middle of February.

People bundle up to walk around with freezing toes.

They jump into ice-cold water a la Polar Bears.

Kids zip around and around on the Midway’s Scrambler Ride adding to the wind chill that’s already in the air.

What’s to miss?

What’s not to dislike about winter?

The head honcho of the Winter Carnival actually told Heather Thompson and I during our “Morning Show at Night” heard “live” on Swisssh Radio Thursday Night’s at 7PM, that he prefers July too.

(Yes, that was shameless self-promotion)

The difference is he puts up with winter.

He plays in it and with it.

He embraces it.

I hate it.

I wish it would disappear.

I have to spend money to get away from it.

I have to leave.

Whatever it takes.

In fact in a couple of years I hope my entire winter will be in a warm, southerly or westerly place.

I am dreaming of that winter.

I am dreaming of my place in the sun.

So when Willie says spring is nigh.

I smile.

When the Daylily Brochure for 2012 arrives I feel warm all over.

I even close my eyes and squeeze the chair cushions piled high on department store shelves. I feel sun on my face and a warm wind at my back.

C’mon heat!

I can’t wait to once again slip into my original Tori Richard Hawaiian Shirt

and saunter down the street.

Spring!

Summer!

Robbie’s waiting for you.

ROBBLOG #373

2012-02-01T00:11:00.001-05:00

It’s another episode from our the two gals on Bleeker Street- Baby Jane and Blanche. Don’t judge…just enjoy.

Jane: Fer chrissakes Blanche, is that all you ever do?

Blanche: What Jane Dear?

Jane: Sit in that godforsaken chair and stare straight out the window?~ puff, drag~

Blanche: Why Jane, there’s a whole winter world of love out there.

Jane: Oh wonderful. Now she’s quoting Engelfert Bumperdink.

Blanche: It’s Humperdinck Jane Dear. Engelbert Humperdinck. Arnold Dorsey really.

Jane: Dorsey what Blanche ~puff, puff~.

Blanche: Arnold Dorsey. Mr. Humperdinck is just a stage name Jane Dear.

Jane: Stage name? What the? Speaking of stage…there’s one leaving in 10 minutes…

Blanche: I know… you wish I were on it. Jane Darling, you must look for a new schtick.

Jane: There’s nothing wrong with the schtick I have. Course it sounds funnier when…

Blanche: I know that one too- when you drink. Jane, you’re missing so much out there.

Jane: ~puff, drag, puff~ Out where?

Blanche: Out there! Outside that window. Why just look at those cute little birdies.

Jane: The only cute birdie I wanna see is one roasting in the oven!

Blanche: Now Jane Dear. Really. Just come over here and look at these little Darlings.

Jane: ~puff, puff~ All they do is eat and shit. Then they eat and shit some more.

Blanche: Jane that’s the first true thing you’ve said all day- eat and shit… just like you!

Jane: ~ puff, drag, puff~ Oh just shut the hell up and look out your damned window.

Blanche: With pleasure Jane Dear, with great pleasure. ~chuckle, chuckle~

ROBBLOG #372

2012-01-30T01:26:00.000-05:00

I am sitting here- looking out the window, watching a neighbour shovelling the snow from the end of his driveway.

Nothing too unusual about that.
Everything is as normal. as pie.
Canadian winter.
Shovelling snow.
An observer would note that he's shovelling with a cigarette snuggly stuck between his lips.
He puffs and puffs.
The air is blue.
The smoke rising above his head in the afternoon sunshine.

Eventually he throws the butt away and within a minute or two he lights another one and sits on the steps of his front porch his one free arm snuggly
around his dog's neck.
Does the dog stink of second-hand smoke?
Yes.
The little pooch always does.
No wonder with all that second hand smoke.
The poor thing smells like an old ashtray.

Then there's "the wife".
The "non smoking" wife.
She is always ailing.
Aches. Pains. Coughs. Bad hearing. Bad breathing.
One never says - "Hi, how are you?" for fear of listening to a litany of medical woes.
Of course the fellh smokes in "his" house and "the wife" is constantly around second hand smoke.
Does he care?
Nope.

We hear he says- it's his house and he'll smoke if he wants to.
Now this neighbour doesn't talk to Tom and I anymore.
The wife does though.

You see, two summers ago Tom and I were on the front verandah here at Pine Tree House when a guy on a motorbike didn't make the corner and slide across the side street into the garden beneath our Maple Trees. We ran to his aid and the "smoking neighbour" came across the road- eventually, to have a look. He didn't stand there on the sidewalk watching this guy bleed and moan in pain for more than a minute before he lit up another cigaratte.
Tom lost it.
Tom told him in no uncertain terms to move away and get rid of the cigarette.
The "smoking neighbour" got pissed off, said an expletive or two in response and walked back home across the street.

He stopped talking to us all because of a cigarette.
Tom even sent an apology note- I don't know why, a couple of days later and received no response.
He still doesn't talk to us to this day.

"The wife" does- when hubby's not around of course.
When we drive past the house, "the wife" still waves to us- when hubby isn't in the yard with her.
You may well ask why am I telling you this story?
It's because of that cigarette.
That smoke. That disgusting odour on him, "the wife" and the dog.
He smokes them one after another.
To see him without a cigarette would be like seeing him without his left arm.
It's always there.
He's always puffing away on that cancer stick.

Right now, we have a good friend who found out she has lung cancer. A tumour on her lung and some "spots".
She's doing treatment.
We are hoping for the best.
I can't help but wonder why this neighbour keeps smoking.
He doesn't know about our friend but our friend has been handed a death sentence whereas
he still appears to be healthy.
Why?
I don't know.
Luck of the draw.
The game of life and death.

Still, these days whenever I see him- or anyone else, with that cigarette dangling from his lips it makes me angry. Oh, not the fact that he doesn't speak with us- no loss there whatsoever.
I always told him to move away from me when he had the death wand between his yellow fingers anyway.In fact his whole skin has a yellowish tinge to it.
Smoker's skin.
You know, he doesn't have to smoke.
Nobody does.
Medical help is there for smokers.
They have to want it of course.

No, it just makes me angry that our friend who wants to beat this cancer and go on living is fighting for every breath she takes.
There's no cancer anywhere in her family.
She has to have oxygen beside her every minute of the day just in case she needs it.
Meanwhile there's the neighbour with a habit that controls his life, willingly and knowingly, polluting the air of those around him.

Where's the justice?

Who would I rather see have "the cancer"?
Bet you can guess...

ROB BLOG #371 W E E K E N D Edition

2012-01-27T10:53:00.000-05:00

OK. Eough is enough.
It's time the Ontario Government took away the funding for Catholic Schools.

Under the name of religion and their head of state the pope, Catholic Schools have "softened" the name of Ontario Government sanctioned "Gay Straight Alliance" committees that
must appear in all Ontario High Schools. They won't use the term Gay/Straight for fear of the warth of God- or at least their pitiful pope.

Queen’s Park now requires all school boards to have “equity and inclusive education” policies and to fight bullying, including homophobia.
That's a great idea. It's just too bad it is somethng that has to be legislated. It's as simple as one, two, three actually.
Yet- we need such an organization to stop bullying and to educate students that Gay bullying- any bullying, is bad.
That is the sad story in all this muck.

So, the Catholics have watered it down.
Heavens let's not upset Jesus or Mary or the pope.
Good Lord we'll all go to "straight" Heaven in a handbasket- if there was a Heaven in the first place.
I am sure if you refer back to other blogs you'll read about my stance on Heaven, Hell, churches and their judgemental religion of loving one another.

Word from the Catholics says- Catholic schools are committed to supporting students bullied because of their sexual orientation, noting their suicide rates are higher than among
their heterosexual peers.
All the more reason to call it what it is- a Gay Straight Alliance.
Why is there such fear in the word Gay when many of that religion's priests- men, have had their way with a handsome altar boy or two.
How can this institution possibly disagree with the word Gay when single men flock to their presthood to hid their Homosexuality or worse their penchant to "diddle with boys".
It's sick.
They are all in denial.

The Catholic Chirch is one of the worst offenders and may of them are what the chuurch might refer to as "practicing homos". Their attitude is the same as many other religious organizations- Love the sinner. Hate the sin.
It should be- Love the SInner. Hate Yourself.

The Catholic Committe who have spend months dickering over the woirds Gay/Straight has issued a report stressing that issues of sexuality be presented against the backdrop of
Catholic sexual morality, which encourages chastity for all students of any orientation until marriage. That’s not a message typically associated with gay-straight alliances, noted the
committee's media coordinator for the Ontario Catholic School Trustees’ Association — “but it’s the same hope shared by many Ontario parents.”
What bullshit.

Sweep it under the Holy Mary Mother of God Rug.
What century are these religious fanatics living in? Do they honestly think their boys and girls at their Catholic Schools aren't getting it on with one another? Guy on guy, girl on girl and
the most unnatural sex act of all- Guy on girl!
~Ugh~

So when these committees are formed, the whole thing has to be overseen by a "committed" Catholic Staff Member. One who wears the rosary around their neck and eat sleeps and
fucks the faith. Wouldn't want the real reason behind the government forcing Gay Straight Alliances to go astray.

Stop the damn bullying of Gay kids!
Of all kids!
The message is the medium.
The medium is Homosexuality and teaching straight kids that being Gay is no different than having blue eyes versus brown eyes.

Will we ever get it right?

The Ontario Government is hoping so but they still need to make the Catholics "toe the line" or remove their funding. If they aren't prepared to follow the law then give the funding to
Agnostic Schools- if such a school even exists.
It's time they stop hiding behind their religion.
Take the funding away from all Catholic Schools and let them melt down their gold and sell all the riches tucked away in the Vatican to
support their schools.

These are kids they're talking about here.
The kids know Gay.
They know straight.

How in the hell are the two going to come together if they can't call it what it really is?
This is like stuffing all the sexual exploits of priests getting it on with boys and men into a jar and hiding it in the cellar next to the furnace. Only now there's another mason jar stored in
the basement right next to the sexual exploits of priests and it's contents are to be safely put away out of sight out of mind.

ROBBLOG #370

2012-01-25T00:50:00.000-05:00

So I spent the weekend in LAH.

That’s L A.

Los Angeles.

LAX.

Not alone. Tom was with me.

We flew to LAX and friends picked us up. We stayed at their vacation property on the beach- the Pacific, in Newport Beach. That’s about 40 minutes south of LAH, past Huntington Beach and Seal Beach- right across the way from Balboa Island.

A beautiful spot but white… Oh, so white.

Tom and I just watched “The Help” tonight and I kept thinking about how “white” it was there on Balboa Island and Newport Beach.

How white?

In 3 days I saw exactly 4 people of colour. A man and his children and a man on a bike who was about 6 foot 7. Must have been a basketball player. I passed a few Asians too- all in a group and all on tour it seemed but that was it.

It’s certainly an area where both “white” skin and mega bucks rule. Small “beach shanties” listed in real estate windows for more than a million bucks. Many more of the homes on the beach and just off the beach for two, three and upwards to 15 and 20 million dollars.

Who the fuck has the money for that?

Answer: Rich Americans, I guess.

Even though it was the dead of winter for the locals, it was moderate weather for us.

It sure beats minus something! The days were sunny and good for strolling and bike riding- especially on one of the ubiquitous “Beach Cruiser” Bicycles that everyone rides along the 25 plus miles of paved pathways. The path- like the Lightfoot Trail here at home, is populated by pedestrians and roller bladers too.

The path passes close to the front of beachfront homes and cottages barely a few feet away. It cuts across “The War Zone” an area of “lower-valued” real estate, sandwiched between affluent neighbourhoods. It flows across miles of open, sandy beach. The Pacific Coast Highway- PCH, on one side and the Pacific’s rolling waves on the other.

No hills.

No traffic for the most part.

Even where the path crosses through a neighbourhood or two, it’s well-marked for bikes and pedestrian traffic.

Huntington Beach- the surf capital, was a busy spot on a sunny and warm Sunday afternoon.

Outdoor cafes were bustling.

Starbucks’ coffee lovers lined up out the door. I even took a break with a large café latte. Locals and tourists alike, were promenading along the main street browsing through upscale shops and stopping for refreshments in busy bars and restaurants.

There were piers along the way jutting out into the blue-green Pacific. Each one with a restaurant plopped at the end and perhaps a souvenir shop or two- like on the Pier at Huntington Beach. A popular local diner called “Ruby’s” was plopped at the end of two of the Piers we bicycled past! Ruby’s menu is fairly vast with big burgers and fries. We had breakfast at one location. Hotcakes, eggs, sausage and bacon- even what the Americans call “Canadian Bacon” (Peameal to us) if one were to choose.

The coffee was a bottomless cup.

Southern California beaches are wide and would dwarf even Hawaii’s famed- Waikiki Beach. Californians make good use of the outdoors too- even though it was winter for them. I think keeping active and fit in the sunny south would be a snap. Somehow the lure of the ocean, the swaying of the palms and people-watching just couldn’t keep you inside for long.

I can hear what you’re asking.

Did we see anyone famous?

No. We didn’t see anyone either while riding along the beach or while traversing LAX.

I thought at the airport we might see someone.

Maybe a star in a Lexus passing us by on the 405 on the way to the airport- but no. I’ll bet there were directors and movie people in our midst, it’s just that we didn’t recognize them.

Finally?

Also no, by the way…I didn’t get discovered.

I’m just as famous now as I was when we left.

...and that’s a pity!

ROBBLOG # 369

2012-01-24T10:55:00.000-05:00

I just flew in from L A !

Boy, are my arms ever tired!
Catch ya later with a story to tell!

Have a good one.

ROBBLOG #368 W E E K E N D Edition

2012-01-20T07:03:00.000-05:00

It’s a weekend again!

Only one more weekend to go and that’s it for January two thousand and twelve!

Then we deal with February.

Short little cuss that he is…

Everyone’s wondering will there be enough snow for the winter carnival. Will the lake water be cold enough under the ice to call it a Polar Bear Swim?

Me, I am looking to March.

If I have dis-liked January all these decades, then I would say that I usually try to ignore February and look straight ahead to March. March can bring us some warm days and lots of melting- if there’s snow in the first place.

Snow can really change our plans, whether it be-

Travelling,

Walking.

Cutting the grass.

Even robbing a bank!

The downtown TD Bank was robbed Thursday night with that blizzard out there. How inconvenient for the robber(s)- although I would bet that not too many customers were in the bank at the time what with the weather. Now, if these guys or gals- let’s be fair, ran from the scene of the crime, their footprints would be in the snow.

However, with the wind and snow they may have been covered up as quickly as they were made. Judging by police cordoning off Matchedash Street North, Peter Street North and West Street North intersections, it would appear they had an idea that the bad bank robbing “people” were trekking north.

Probably to get to a get-away car of some sort.

We’ll just have to wait and see how it all turns out.

They’ll get them sooner or later I’ll wager. I believe they havea picture from the bank cameras. Hope they remembered to brush their hair and put on clean underwear!

Since Heather Thompson and myself were “live” on Swisssh Radio just after the robbery, it seemed like old times on terrestrial radio when there was breaking news.

It was exciting and happening in the moment.

Of course we won’t be able to follow up too soon because we are not on the air with The Morning Show at Night until next Thursday- January 27^th, at 7PM Eastern.

One day maybe Swisssh Radio will be “live” all day and night. Maybe I’ll have a storefront studio downtown with an interesting little bookshop, coffee shop, dessert and sandwhich bar all in the same storefront location.

People could come for a coffee and a treat. They could rummage through books- all for sale. They could browse a newspaper- always free and they could see Swisssh Radio in full operation. Bringing Internet Radio and good coffee to the people.

It sounds like a dream.

It probably is just that- unless we win that 20 million.

ROBBLOG # 367

2012-01-18T00:07:00.000-05:00

Here comes another "Dis and Dat". Don't say I didn't warn you!

Read on MacDuff!

1. Some news reports referred to David Furnish as Elton John’s Man. So, it appears that any man’s mate- even if it’s another man and especially if it’s a woman, is slighted simply by not using the “mate’s” name.

2. Who the hell told Lana Del Ray she could sing. It was very uncomfortable watching her on Saturday Night Live last week. I cringed. I almost cried it hurt that much.

3. Many times throughout the day Starlite Radio is beating Swisssh Radio with total number of listeners tuned. Go figure.

No breaks. No commercials. No personality- just the music- “Soft & Brite”.

Go figure.

4. There were reports of “icequakes” along Lake Couchiching’s shoreline last weekend when it was minus 29 degrees. All that ice and cold and nowhere to go but “crack” and “quake”.

5. A man caught in a blizzard burned his money to stay warm until his rescue. Hell, I can burn money too and I don’t even have to leave the house when a blizzard’s howling outside. It’s called “online” shopping.

6. Wanna go on a cruise? Anyone? Any takers?

Come on now there are lots of boats safely floating in the world’s waters every day. Of course if one you’re cruising on slips on its side there may not be enough available lifeboats.

People may panic.

There could be fights over life preservers.

Stuff like that but again- anybody wanna take a cruise?

7. Less than two weeks and January is History. Who can’t deal with the Month of February?

It’s so puny and small.

Easy-peezy!

8. Mild, then freezing. Then, mild. A bit of snow. A flash freeze then back to plus 6 again. What the fuck is this? Global Warming or El Nina. It sure has made January a bit of a coaster ride and really not seem like January at all.

9. I have made a new year’s resolution that I haven’t told a soul about. It’s not something I have had to do anything about- yet, however, the time will come soon.

10. I picked up a package of bologna- yes bologna, the other day. There’s nothing like a few slices of bologna on a couple of slices of fresh Tuscan Bread. Anyway, I looked on the package and saw that it was almost 48 percent fat!

Then, I picked up a package of sliced chicken breast. No Fat. No Trans Fat.

So I bought the chicken. Then, I looked for a package of Havarti Cheese. There was 40 some percent fat in just 1 ½ thin slices. I bought it but I only had a ¼ of a slice on two crackers that had less than 4% fat.

Shit!

It’s hard to eat healthy!

ROBBLOG #366

2012-01-16T00:52:00.000-05:00

How the heck does it work?

I was thinking the other day about all this wireless stuff we use.

How does it work?

I don’t know.

How does the WiFi here in the house travel through walls to reach another room. How does it go through the outer walls of the house to the verandah or the yard?

I don’t know.

Then there are those huge towers that are all over the place. They send out wireless signals to our cell phones. These signals find us everywhere.

Around corners.

In our vans and cars and trucks.

Walking down the street or driving along a country lane.

Then there’s the 3G and 4G.

Lock yourself in your bathroom.

It finds you.

Pick the furthest corner of your yard.

It’s right there.

Sitting by the lake and watching a summer sunset-

Yup, there too.

How does it do it?

I honestly don’t know but what I think is, if it goes through walls it must slice through us too. My phone rings when it’s tucked away in the breast of my winter coat or in a zippered pocket in my “murse” (that’s manbag for the uninitiated).

It’s like magic when you think of it.

We take it for granted but those signals are around us and near us and through us every minute of every day.

What about our health?

Do these waves of energy affect our well-being?

We’ve all heard the dangers that some experts believe exist when cell phones are pressed tightly to our ears. Then, there are the stories of folks who live close to those huge power lines that traverse farmer’s fields.

A higher incidence of headaches, cancers and such.

It’ll take a few years to study the effects over a long periods of time. After all smoking and the resulting second-hand smoke was never thought to be a problem in the earlier decades of the last century. Our houses were plugged full of asbestos without a second thought. There are numerous other examples.

In the meantime, we all go merrily along texting, calling, streaming and reading on a vast array of personal electronic devices.

Does it mean we’ll all see health problems in the future?

Haven’t a clue.

ROBBLOG # 365 W E E K E N D Edition

2012-01-13T00:35:00.000-05:00

We’re on our own little ice flow that’s melting and heading for the end of time.

At least that’s what time it is on the Doomsday Clock. In fact it’s just a few minutes to midnight and the end of us all. What a nice, positive way to begin two thousand and twelve!

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Well, just what can we expect the way things are going?

There’s that little in-bred, bastard son of the dead North Korean leader, who can’t wait to push the button to show the world how much of a man he really is, simply by sending some nuclear missiles to other parts of the world that piss him and the rest of the North Koreans off- like America.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Why are the North Koreans pissed at America?

Maybe because there’s a McDonalds and Target on every corner in the good old USA. Maybe that’s what the North Koreans really want-

a Big Mac and a nice outfit.

As they aim their weapons let’s hope they can tell the difference between Canadians and Americans.

Hey North Korea!

It’s us!

Canada.

We’re the country with Tim Horton’s and a Petro Canada Gas Station on every corner. I know we look a bit like America but we really aren’t. We are as different as night and day. Sure we have Wal*Marts.

Yes we have Old Navy Stores, American Idol on TV and we share a common border but that’s about it.

Listen, North Korea, to be quite honest, there are times we’d like to send a big missile to America too. Sometimes they are just so loud and they won’t shut up and they only care about all things American. They don’t give a damn about the rest of us. They give us the hairy eyeball when we try to cross their borders to shop and lay in their sun in the dead of winter.

Now, it’s not just politics affecting the Doomsday Timex.

It’s all that pollution that’s out there that’s killing us and melting the snow and ice so the poor polar bears are running out of habitat.

Pollution that comes from the exhaust of cars and trucks. Smoke from our factories. Effluent in our lakes and streams and as everyone knows that baddest of them all- plastic shopping bags.

Plastic shopping bags the worst of the worst. That’s why we have to pay 5 cents for each one of the dastardly things. Why can’t we think of something else to put our stuff in when shopping at Winners and Zehrs?

Hey…what about brown paper bags?

Has anyone ever thought about using plain old brown paper bags?

Tick. Tick. Tick.

It’s not too late.

We better get to work today and slow down that clock or we’ll all be going to Hell in a handbasket!

A handbasket that is made of recycled and recyclable materials of course!

ROBBLOG #364

2012-01-11T12:57:00.004-05:00

I am reading a book.

Nothing strange in that fact.

I am always reading but I haven’t picked up a book since early December. The holidays just seem to get in the way. I did read some short stories in a U.K. Reader’s Digest- does that count?

So, I am back to reading.

The one aspect of reading this book that is a wee bit different is the fact that I am reading online. I have the book downloaded in a pdf file on my Samsung Galaxy Tab. The book is by Christopher Hitchens and its title is:

God is Not Great- How Religion Poisons Everything.t’s free.
Just do a Google Search.

You can look it up online. Actually if you are dyed- in-the wool (or Christ’s Blood) Christian it would be a good read. You might be able to stand back from your “Faith” and “Devotion” and say- “Hey, there is something else. The universe is so vast. There are planets, black holes and stars. These are wonderful, awe-inspiring things”.

It sure beats Moses and his burning bush.

In fact you might question why modern people are still worshiping individuals clad in cotton or wool shifts and sandals and a time when the world was thought to be a small pace- flat even. That is so yesterday. So in the past. That’s where History usually stays- in the past!

One may surmise that the Bible is the true word of God. The difficulty here of course, is that the Bible was written by mortal man- nothing Godly about it. If your faith has you believe that God put the words into man’s head- notice there are very few women receiving the direct line from God, so man could write them down then, you’re stuck with that explanation. However, your Bible Study has cast a spell upon you. Only reason can save you- not God.

As the sign says- There’s probably no God so relax and enjoy life. What the word “probably” means to you is your own personal decision. You have to learn about that and come to your own decision.

Christopher Hitchens who passed away a month ago makes some valid points. You would only argue them if you have “Religious Faith” in a God or Supreme Being- like Diana Ross! I am not going to clip any of his words here. You need to go into the book with a clear, open mind.

Goodness. I already hear some of you saying “Blasphemy”!

A God-like term to be sure.

I am also reading Gretta Vosper- With or Without God. Now Gretta is a “Progressive Christian”. She’s of the United faith. Gretta skips past the God and Jesus part to a wider understanding of faith and future. At Christmas Time, Gretta and her Congregation marvel at the story of the Nativity but there is no mention of God or Jesus from the pulpit telling sinners to do this or that. Gretta’s United Church is in Scarborough. You can Google her and peruse her Church’s website.

I would image in the United Hierarchy, they would prefer she disappear but she’s still there spreading Joy and Happiness.

How can that be wrong?

That can’t be.

She is creating a community that just desires Peace without the finger of God pointing the way or tsk tsking.

That brings me back to Mr. Hitchens. He says Religion “poisons”. I say it separates too. If it doesn’t, then why isn’t there just one church?

One Faith.

One God.

That’s simple to answer.

They just can’t get along.

All you have to do is look back at the Church of the Nativity a couple of weeks ago when the “faiths” were beating each other about the head with broomsticks!

I mean really?

Really?

Then, there are the good, old Catholics. Their Dogma tells them that they are the only “real” Church anyway. The rest of you can just kindly piss off and go with your own God- or the Devil, because we know God only listens to Catholic Prayers. Then yesterday, there’s the Pope telling his flock once again how awful it is to be Homosexual and raise a family. It’s the old Adam and Eve complex not Adam and Steve.

Such Hogwash- especially with the Catholic Church’s history. Why his priests have been “corn-holing” altar boys for centuries as many as they can get their ~ahem~ “hands on”!

Now if he announced the church was melting down their gold and selling a few paintings to build a condom factory, that would really be something worthwhile.

Those Catholics are the only true church you know. That’s why the Apostle’s Creed pledges allegiance to the Roman Catholic Church. I don’t know if any churches repeat the Apostle’s Creed these days but as a kid I had to learn it and repeat it by heart both in Sunday School and at Church. No one- as far as I can remember, explained why we said the words “Holy Catholic Church”. No one really explained why we had to learn the creed.

Grab both books online free, read them and give your head a shake. How refreshing to wake up each day knowing you- and not God, are in charge of your future and your destiny.

Praise be to me and you and the Universe!

ROBBLOG #363

2012-01-09T00:01:00.002-05:00

Today, the story of a man who saw things.

Once upon a time there was a somewhat spiritual man- Peter, who loved to stand in his kitchen and wash pots and pans over and over again. One cold, January winter’s night, as he was washing a particular pot for the umpteenth time, a bright light came flooding through his kitchen window.

“Gee, they finally must have fixed that streetlight!”- he exclaimed!

Then suddenly, in the rays of yellow and white light, a sandal-wearing man- about 30ish, with long brown hair and a moustache appeared in what the man now came to believe was a "vision of some description".

“Wow! You're Jesus Christ!”- the spiritualistic man gasped.

But he was wrong. The apparition coaxed him to guess again.

“Then it’s you! Michael Jackson. Gosh, your skin really is white! I like your nose but what’s the story with the moustache and all that mascara. What were you thinking?

The Man in the vision placed his hands on his hips and shook his head to the left and right. Apparently the floating bits of particle and light was not Michael Jackson either.

No, for it was another man of significantly higher power- yet not one number one hit record to his credit. The man made a peculiar sign with his hands and fingers and proceeded to show the pot washing Peter a pair of blue undershorts. For some inexplicable reason, the man-in-the-kitchen washing pots and pans seemed to be able to read the man-in-the-vision’s mind- who was neither Michael Jackson nor Jesus Christ.

“Underwear? You want me to do something with your underwear?”

The floating conveyer of blue shorts shook his head again.

“You want me to buy somebody some underwear?”

The apparition smiled and held up two fingers on his right hand and with his left he made a series of three concentric circles. Meanwhile in the background a picture of a village deep within the jungles of the Amazon appeared where Peter could see youngsters running about- sans underwear.

“You want me to get 2000 pairs of underwear and send them to children in the Amazon?”- He cried.

The vision gave him a thumb’s up and slowly dissolved into the darkness of the window.

Without hesitation Peter the pot man cried aloud-

“This will make me famous. I will soar above the heads of my brothers. This vision talked to me and showed me the way. Holy Fatima!”- he was so happy there were tears in his eyes. "Maybe the vision was Jack Layton"- he cried aloud!

So, he gathered others who were of like mind and they produced 2000 pairs of the finest undergarments they could sew right in the man-in-the-vision's kitchen. They all agreed that they were helping poor Jungle children to see the light or at least be more cleanly- like the rest of the western world.

“Maybe we can even give tuck a little pamphlet in with the underwear that details the message we are sending to these unfortunate examples of children running lost and without direction through the hot, sticky rainforest”- he clasped his hands together and offered praise to the man-in-the-vision- through the sparkling glass of his kitchen window, who was neither the Christ nor Michael Jackson.

“We’ll make them believe that underwear is good. We’ll show them the way. Before long they’ll hold the same beliefs and sanitary ideas that we do. We’ll make them believe and instruct them to only listen and follow our commands or the desires of the man-in-the-vision and not be allowed to seek their own way and ideas. Oh, it will make the man-in-the-vision so happy.”- he continued to shout aloud to everyone, “ Our place in the yet-to-come will be undoubtedly reserved!”

The others neatly concurred. They smiled broadly, smirked most heartily and kept on sewing at the kitchen table that belonged to the man-who-saw-the-visionn.

Meanwhile, the man-in-the-vision stood invisible outside the window and could only shake his head. The pots and pans man had missed the point entirely for the man-in-the-vision was a designer of men's fashion underwear and needed 2000 pairs of underwear for a spring showing during Fashion week. He heard that the pots and pans man was a mover and shaker and had heard if anyone could make 2000 pairs of underwear in time for the spring show- he could.

The man-in-the-vision couldn't explain fully the light that appeared behind him as he peered through the pots and pans' man's kitchen window that first evening.

ROBBLOG #362 W E E K E N D Edition

2012-01-06T00:03:00.001-05:00

Most days I can’t even remember my own name.

However, while watching Rogers On Demand, I see a commercial for Disney World. These Disney characters flash by the screen and I turn to Tom and say-

“That’s Buzz Lightyear!”

I don’t even know Buzz Lightyear but I know him to see him by golly. I couldn’t even tell you the name of the movie he was in for Disney. It was animated of course.

Then, shortly after I re-newed my aquaintance with Buzz, I received an e-mail from someone I worked with more than 10 years ago. I remember the name but can’t remember the face. Never worked alongside Buzz or ever met him in person for that matter, yet I know him to see him. Then there’s someone I worked with- in real life, yet I have no recollection of the face.

I would like to blame it on my age.

It couldn’t be that.

I really think the problem is within the “files” in my brain. After a certain amount of time has passed, these files get automatically “filed” in the “add or remove programmes” section of my brain. They sit there just in case they are needed but they just aren’t as vivid or as fast to recall as they once were. That’s why I can’t remember most things that have happened- say 27 and a half hours ago!

Haven’t we all been to a party where we are introduced to some new, interesting people?

The scenario-

The party host wants to introduce me to a friend I had not been familiar with prior to the party.

I wait for the introduction.

I shake hands and make a point to remember their name.

We chat for 30 seconds and then suddenly wham bam…the name goes!

There is a fleeting memory but that’s about it.

Let me see-

James?

Evan?

Neil?

Kevin?

Bryan?

Damned if I know!

It’s at times like this I should have a whack of “Hello My Name Is…” cards in my pocket.

I would write the name on a card with my handy Sharpie as soon as the introduction is made.

Then, I would peel back the protective coating and slap the sticky back onto Bryan or Neil or Evan’s chest.

How easy would that be?

All I would have to do is glance down at Neil’s chest and instantly recall his name.

No embarrassment.

However, I am sure I would be remembered as the guy who stuck a “Hello My Name Is” Sticker on their chest.

That wouldn’t be so bad.

Sad- just not so bad.

At least I wouldn’t be referred to as the "old geezer", who couldn’t remember a fella’s name 5 minutes after he heard it.

Maybe I should just go for it.

Hey, I’ll even bet those stickers are a buck or two at Dollarama.

I had better check it out tomorrow.

Now, if I can just remember.

ROBBLOG #361

2012-01-02T00:59:00.008-05:00

...and they said- "Why Rob, Why?"

I said- "Because..."

They said- "What have you done now? Did you piss someone off with something you said?"

No.

Nothing like that.

Although, I did break my 2011 resolution to keep my mouth shut but some things just needed to be said.

I only broke my resolution once.

Maybe twice.

I have accepted the consequences and moved on. I don't let the "muck and mire" get me down any more. My life is getting shorter and I prefer to move along. If someone doesn't move along with me- that's fine.

Stay bogged down in the "muck" if you can't pull yourself out!

I have also realized that I need to enlighten myself. You see, up until a very short while ago, I believed that everybody thinks the same way that I do.

Now, I know that is not true.

That's not the topic for this blog. That's for another time and place.

So, what did I do now?

You may remember I began Swisssh Holiday Radio in late October. It was successful playing all Holiday/Christmas Music - all the time. In fact the server was full most times of the day. That was a good thing. Now that the Holidays have been put to rest for another year, I have also put Swisssh Holiday Radio to bed but not without another pursuit I have been thinking about. That's where the "what have you done now" part comes in.

I have started yet another Internet Radio Station.

I know. I know.

What have you done Rob Reid!!?

What have you done?

Haven't you got enough on your plate?

Apparently not.

Starlite...Soft and Brite, went on-air Saturday December 31st.

Why Starlite?

Starlite...Soft and Brite!

Coming back from Toronto I saw a name up on a building that said "Starlight".

I said to Tom, who was driving- "That's a great name for a Radio Station- Starlight."

A double meaning. Music of the "Stars"- yet on the light side.

Then there's the gentleness of Starlight.

It just fit.

I changed the spelling of "light" to "lite"- as most stations do, placing "star" in front, hence- Starlite. I added "Soft and Brite" as a sell line and spelled "bright"- brite!

I know I have still not answered the "why" part, so here goes.

Back in the late 70's I worked for CHAY FM. CHAY was a station for Huronia. A name that back in the day the powers that be, pinned on this area. They didn't have much success. There are still businesses today with Huronia in the name but that's about it.There was Huronia Tourism but that's defunct now too. Now, they try to sell Orillia and area as Lake Country but I believe that's a struggle too!

When I was at CHAY FM 93.1, we played 3 instruments to every vocal selection- except in morning and afternoon drive where it was vocal, instrumental, vocal instrumental etc. The station at the time was number 19 of all FM Stations across Canada. It was the only FM station in this area- the next being in Toronto- or Peterborough. The world of Radio was still ruled by AM stations- but not for long.

That's the "why".

I am programming Starlite with more instrumentals than vocals. Sometimes you'll hear two vocals back to back. Now the important part. How do you listen to Starlite?

1. You can go to the Swisssh Website at www.swisssh.ca and click on the Starlite Player. You'll have to mute the Swisssh Radio Player which automatically begins playing when the webpage loads. Just click on the blue arrow in the player to stop Swisssh Radio or mute the sound.

2. You can go to www.audiorealm.com and place "Starlite" in the search bar and listen there. You can also listen through Shoutcast on an Internet Radio featuring Shoutcast Stations. The Genre is- "Easy Listening" or search Starlite.

3. Soon, Starlite will be on iTunes, tunein.com and reciva.com. Hopefully within the next week. By the way I believe that www.tunein.com is one of the best ways to listen to Swisssh Radio- or Starlite. Apps are available for Smartphones or tablets. Check out the apps on your device. These enable you to listen anywhere there's 3G, 4G or wireless. Internet Radio is now truly portable!!

If you're in a mellow mood or just want a station to provide some good music- with no commercials or breaks, try Starlite...Soft and Brite.

What about Swisssh Radio?

Swisssh Radio is staying right where it is. It will always be my main focus but give Starlite a listen.

You might just like it.

I hope you do.

ROBBBLOG #360 N E W Y E A R' S Edition

2011-12-30T11:26:00.003-05:00

My reflections on 2011 and looking ahead for 2012.

If 2011 was bad for you, things could get worse. Yup, come December 22- according to the Mayans, the whole world as we know it will come to an end. What a bitch and it’ll be right in the midst of the busiest week for Christmas Shopping in 2012. So, don’t be too hard on yourself if 2012 looks gloomy. We all could be going to hell in a handbasket!

So how were the holidays?

Good here for Tom and I.

We had tons of fun with friends- mostly agnostics and Atheists it turns out. No family involved to speak of but thank goodness for some of Tom’s Family. At least we got some calls and a chance to catch up- with many of the calls coming from Europe, out west or from eastern Ontario.

Our audio Holiday Greeting was a big hit! We heard back from many who received it. On Christmas Eve afternoon Tom and I just went into the Swisssh Radio studio, turned on the mics and just talked. It was fun and from the heart.

For me personally, I never heard from any member of my family.

Not so much as a Christmas How Do You Do.

Not one.

Pretty sad you say?

Not really.

Everyone marches to the beat of a different drummer and right now our beats are not in sync but I have come to realize in these past couple of years that I have to look out for myself- and I am doing just that.

Sometimes I feel alone until I talk to friends who are in similar situations.

One friend’s Mother- not unlike my own, told him she didn’t want to see him for Christmas.

My Mother on the other hand, just didn’t have time for me, telling me she would be seeing “The Family” on Christmas Day.

That’s right folks.

I am chopped liver in a Santa hat.

Another friend’s Mother told her that she liked her brother better- even though he has some drug problems. She abruptly told her that if she separated from her father, he could have her and her sisters and she keep the brother. There was more to the story but you get the idea.

Another friend said he could never imagine treating his kids that way. Just the same- time marches on.

2011 was pretty good. We spent a few days in New York City at the end of March and saw a trio of shows including attending Opening Night for the Book of Mormon. We went to Paris- twice, once in May and again in late November early December. We travelled to Mainz Germany for the Christmas Market first of all and from there we took the train- first class no less, to Paris. It was a memorable trip.

Hey!

I turned 60 in July.

Yikes!

Tom booked me a party at Casino Rama. It was fun! I had a bunch of guests. The food was great- especially the cake. All Chocolate and the most expensive Birthday Cake I have ever had! I asked people to donate to the University of Guelph’s Veterinary College which they did.

I was in a summer theatre show in Gravenhurst, which was totally terrific. Then I wrote a new show for “Hank”. It was going to be a goodie but a couple of days after coming home from Paris, I cancelled it. Why?

Lack of interest.

Too much work for too little return. I mean, I have to pay my actors.

Guess I lost about 500 dollars on that one.

Now there’s 2012.

Swisssh Radio will be 5 years old on March 7^th. What does the future hold? It would be grand if Canadians actually started to listen to Internet Radio but it’s just happening in dribs and drabs. As in Terrestrial Radio, money is sparse in Net Radio. All I want to do is pay for my servers and station upkeep but some months it’s hard to make ends meet. It’s a great hobby running my own station but I’ll never get rich!

Thanks to Don, Heather, Charles, Jeff and Sue, Todd, John and Jack (for a new Computer and monitor) who all help the station sound so great week after week!

We’ll be travelling again this year. As a matter of fact, we are making plans right now for several trips during 2012. Now that’s something to look forward to, eh?

Tom will continue to fly for Air Canada, even though I would prefer him to retire. However, he still likes it and it does keep me in the manner to which I am born!
Only kidding for pete’s sake!

Our kids are all in good health. Kiki turned 15 ½ in December. She’s doing just fine and we hope she continues to run and jump and stay with her Dads for many years to come! Missy- our Schnauzer, was 7 in November while Dickens and Doyle- our orange puddy cats, turned one in June. We have had them for one full year as of September 19^th. Bringing up kittens was a real eye-opener but now they’re a part of the family at Pine Tree House.

So that’s where I am.

I hope you have the best year of your life in 2012. Look out for yourself because no one else will. Hold those close who are supportive and don’t fret about those who go in a different direction. It’s the circle of life and life’s just too short waiting for people to give their head a shake. Keep to the centre path and friends and family will find their way back if it’s meant to be. If not they’ll take that “forever” detour.
Just keep tending to life as you always have and always will.

Happy Holidays and a sincere wish for a Happy and Prosperous New Year 2012.

ROBBLOG #359

2011-12-28T10:33:00.003-05:00

Happy Holidays everyone!

Peace on Earth. Goodwill Towards everybody- men specifically.

So, what's this?
Religious types not getting along and loving one another?
A report today says :

"A brawl has erupted between rival clergymen participating in an annual cleaning ritual at the church built at Jesus' traditional birthplace. Armenian Orthodox and Greek Orthodox clergymen screamed at each other and beat each other with broomsticks during cleanup inside the Church of the Nativity."

It may have gone something like this-

Priest: You stepped onto my part of this Holiest of Sanctuaries!

Clergyman: Did not?

Priest: Did so! Look the toe of your sandal is touching the tile on my side on my side of the Lord's church as we speak.

Clergyman: That is my tile on MY side of the church. I have my toe on my tile. You are mistaken monkeyman.

Priest: You dare to call me monkeyman when one can plainly see your toe- which is an ugly toe in even more ugly sandals, is plainly corrupting my side of this beautfil place of consecration.

Clergyman: You would not know a consecrated spot if Jesus came up and bit you on the hairy behind to say to you- "this is the spot!"

Priest: How dare you!

Clergyman: Furthermore I have been told by many of my brethern that I have beautiful toes!

Priest: Hah! For certain that is a laugh! Now move your filthy, toe-jam encrusted tootsies from the Lord's favourite side of the Nativity Church.

Clergyman: ...and just who died and made you Pope you pinhead!

Priest: Brother I will take my staff and smite you if you continue to diminish my person!

Clergyman: You dickweed, that is not a staff you hold in your heathen hands, it is but a broomstick.

Priest: A holy broomstick that I will take great pleasure- along with God's Holy helping hand, to ram up your devil of a backside.

Clergyman: You are not worthy to ram that stick of the broom into my backside.

Priest: Pray that I don't, Brother! Pray that I don't!

Clergyman: Brother, you do me great dis-service but still I bless the tiles on which you stand- and stand quite heavily for thou art of the sow-like shape.

Priest: Bitch!

Clergyman: Satan's Broom holder!

Priest: Buggerer!

Clergyman: Lady Ga Ga lover!

Priest:~whack~ now remove that toe or I shall anoint you with my stick once more.

Clergyman: ~ouch~ Bastard! (turns to his fellow clergymen and cries aloud) C'mon girls let's lay a few broomhandles on this filthy tribe.

~crack~...~whack~....~slap~...~smack~...~hit~...~bitch-slap~...~whomp~

Oh Little Town of Bethlehem, How still we see thee lie...

ROBBLOG # 358

2011-12-27T01:03:00.002-05:00

It's been quite green.

West Coast green- and mild. Sure there's been a skiff of snow here and there

but nothing earth-shattering. So, for this holiday blog I present lyrics sung to the tune of "Blue Christmas".

A Green Season

I'll have a "green" Season without you.
I'm thinking green grasses about you.

Decorations hang limp on my tall balsam tree.
It's not the same Dear with no snow I can see.

And then when "white" snowflakes start falling
That's when ski re-sorts will be calling.

Till then, we take flight,
With our skiis where it's white-
'Cause we have a green, green, green season.

Yes, we'll not see the white
As we ride on our bike
'Cause we have a green, green, green season.

ROBBLOG #357 H O L I D AY Edition

2011-12-24T12:36:00.007-05:00

It’s the Holiday Season.

Christmas.
Hanukkah.
Yuletide.
Saturnalia.
Saturnalia? Be patient and read on!
December 25^th.
Santa Claus.

So how did it all start?
If you play to the tune of a Christian Christmas, you believe that Christ was born in a Manger in the village of Bethlehem. Shepherds and Wise Men- angels too, attended the birth.
Probably the afterbirth.
Wait!
That doesn’t sound right does it?
Anyway, it was quite the party in that cozy little cave in the wall. The cattle lowed and the sheep baa baaed and Mary and Joseph simply stood there gazing down at the Christ Child wondering what they got themselves into, what with raising a child in those days and all. A wonderful little story filled with Love and Peace.

Then there’s Hanukkah.
A Saviour-less holiday since members of the Jewish Faith are still waiting for the Messiah- even though the musical was written years ago. This Hanukkah is all about oil that burned for 8 days and nights. Hanukkah commemorates the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem at the time of the Maccabean Revolt in the second century BC. Now Hanukkah moves around some. It can be celebrated at any time from late November to late December so one never knows when to take Hanukkah Holidays.

It can be confusing but when it’s Hanukkah time one lights the Menorah, spins the Dreidel, eat Latkes and attends Synagogue.

Ever heard the real story surrounding December 25^th from the scholars? From History. History is the documented facts concerning things that actually happened when they actually happened.

It seems the Roman Pagans celebrated the Holiday of Saturnalia. It was a week- long funfest celebrated from December 17 until December 25^th. There was widespread intoxication, singing door to door (sounds familiar) only in Roman times they did it in a state of nakedness. That may also sound familiar and much more interesting.
Getting naked and singing!
Well, we’ve all been there- haven’t we?
There was lots of sex too and why not? What would a Roman Holiday be without rape and sexual freedom?
Cookies were also consumed along with copious amounts of wine.
Okay. Now, this is really sounding familiar.
Unfortunately, on the downside, the holiday also included human sacrifice too. Seems that was a way of life back then, whereas today our “Human Sacrifice” is all about drinking and driving or shooting someone in the street…and the Conservatives still want to repeal the current gun laws. It’s not like shoving someone to the lions in the Coliseum but it has parallels-doesn’t it?

Then in the 4^th Century- after the Manager Scene story in Bethlehem, Christians decided to use the Saturnalia Festival, hoping to convince the Pagan masses to turn to Christianity. The Pagans were promised salvation and were told they could continue to celebrate Saturnalia as part of being a Christian.
Did it work?
Nope.
Well, not entirely.
The Christians were successful in concluding that Christ’s Birthday was actually December 25^th-not sometime in the dreary month of February.

That’s right readers, mortal man decided that the Son of God was born on December 25^th, not some Angel descending from the Heavens. Although, again it’s a nice story and who doesn’t love an Angel? We all have them and can hear their voices if we just take the time to listen and believe. Even though December 25^th continued to be the Birthday of Jesus those pagan practices- like stringing garland around the house continued, resulting in the Christians having little effect on the merry-making during Saturnalia.

That continues today. Oh we call it Yuletide, Christmas or the Season to make Mary but it still has roots in Saturnalia.

Finally, Santa Claus.
Santa began his life as a Saint.
Many of us follow that same course. Why if I told you the number of times someone has said to me- Rob, you’re a “saint”.

Nick was a Bishop who eventually turned into the red suit-clad man who lives at Canada’s North Pole. Oh, the Swedes and Americans try to claim him but he is really a Canadian!
Once again History tells us the story of St. Nicholas. Europeans brought him to Canada.
Vikings dedicated places of worship to him. Columbus named a port in Haiti after him back on St. Nick’s Day – December 6^th in 1492.

When the Protestants revolted in the 16th Century, St. Nick almost lost his place in history. The Protestant Reformation didn't take too kindly to Catholic Saints and tried to erase St. Nick from the record books. They weren't successful and according to history the Puritans may have been partially responsible for entrenching the enduring story of Santa Claus into a more secular observance of his message of love and peace and gift-giving. The regular folk just loved the idea of St. Nick it seems.

Today's image of Santa Claus is a combination of the poem written by Clement Clark Moore- "A Visit from St. Nicholas" as well as commercial artists from over the past 100 years. So, there you have it. That's how we ended up with this December celebration that may of us refer to as "The Holidays".

Here's a wish that you and yours will have a Holiday that will be Merry and Bright. Enjoy the quiet splendour- if only for one day. Shake a hand. Send a smile. Give a hug. Enjoy and celebrate this time on earth- for it's a short ride.

Merry Christmas! Season's Greetings! Happy Hannukkah! Happy Holidays!

ROBBLOG # 356

2011-12-23T01:00:00.000-05:00

Dearest Virginia Adams,

Guess who?

That’s right. It’s me, your old friend Santa Claus up here at the North Pole- south side.I told you I would write one more time before Christmas Eve and Santa hates to disappoint his fans.

Well, things are at full tilt today!

We have another million Smartphones to assemble and package.

Twenty thousand wagons to paint “candy-apple” red- at last count.

Two Million green sweaters have yet to be knitted.

Dozens of cookies have to be baked and chocolates placed gently in their respective packages.

Do I get tired of all the last minute hub-bub?

Not on your life Virginia Adams!

Santa loves it!

I love it all.

I thrive on it because the end result is terrific.

Oh, but I would be remiss if I didn’t thank the millions of helpers worldwide who run toy drives and replenish the food banks. It’s a sad tale to be sure but even Santa’s dollars stretch just so far. I try to be fair to everyone around the world but to be scathingly honest Virginia Adams, it is just such an overwhelming task that I am more grateful than you can imagine for the help and dedication of Santa’s Helpers.

They do good work every year and most do it with very little or no thanks.

These “helpers” have such big hearts. Many have very busy lives themselves, yet they find the time to help out in any small way they can.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

My Stars, I am so proud of them. Each and every one.

Say Virginia Adams, Mrs. Claus tells me she’s sending a special package to you this year. Let me see. It’s something about a new cookie that she’s testing for next year. She has given me explicit instructions as to where to keep the package on the sleigh and she has reminded me to leave it at your house on the table to the right

of the fireplace. I certainly hope that table is in the same place as last year- and the year before that. I don’t want to spend extra time looking for it. The schedule is very, very tight.

The “head” Elf Roger has just come into my study. He wants me to inspect some wooden rocking horses the Elves in Workshop 173-B have just competed. I am sure the work will be top notch and although I know I don’t really have to check their work, the elves appreciate it when I stop by for a look see and a bit of a gabfest.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

So My Dear, this is the last opportunity I have to write you .I certainly hope you are looking forward to the rest of the holiday season and may Peace, Love and Hope fill your heart forevermore.

I know you’ll be sound asleep when I slide down your chimney Christmas Eve but in the odd chance that you’re still awake, I would be very pleased to see you and say hello in person. We could chat a bit while I work. I am looking forward to enjoying a delicious chocolate chip cookie that you leave for me each and every Christmas.

So, take great care, Virginia Adams.

Until we meet again,

Your friend- always,

Santa Claus

ROBBLOG # 355

2011-12-22T00:11:00.000-05:00

It’s Hanukkah. The Festival of Light. Eight days of gifts.

It’s Christmas too. More lights and presents.

It’s also the Holidays/Christmas for Non-Seculars, Agnostics and Atheists too without the God or Jesus references. Think back in history. It was originally a Roman Pagan Holiday when those in Rome did as the Romans did and strung pine and berries here and there and made merry- or Bruce, depending on who was available and willing. When the Christians were trying to have folks grab onto the idea of Christianity, they figured if they stuck Christmas on a holiday that was already on the Roman Calendar, they could at least ride on a few Roman coattails- or Togas, expecting a few lambs to drift over to the new church by osmosis.

This year, it’s also Christmas for “Progressive Christians”. Progressive Christians are a growing number of people who have also gone past the Jesus and God thing and look for Peace and Love Forevermore- without God, Jesus or someone from the pulpit on a Sunday morning telling them this is good, this is bad and this is how you must find redemption.

For me personally, I call it and celebrate Christmas.

The Holidays. Yuletide. The Festive Season.

Christmas means Santa Claus.

Christmas means Charles Dickens’- A Christmas Carol.

Now there’s one of the finest stories and lessons anyone could get from a book.

Any book.

Then there’s that beautiful little story about a family forced to pay heavy taxes on a meagre little salary and trek miles and miles to pay the piper- or at least the Romans. We all can relate to that as Canadians. Our tax burden is heavy. Relating to Santa Claus is easy and St. Nick doesn’t expect us to bow down and pray to him. He just says- Be Nice. Be good to one another….and clean your room!

So, just where do I stand in the above list?

Well, I admire Santa Claus and his message of “love” but his “naughty” list is a bit much- isn’t it? Once upon a time, I considered myself “non-secular”.

Agnostic at best.

It was easy to say- “I’m an Agnostic.”

It’s a bigger decision to say- “I am an Atheist!”

Yes boys and girls, I have now firmly crossed over to the Atheist side.

I feel good about that and I am not alone. I am amazed at the number of people I know who think the way I do. It comes easily too. Many people who feel this way have never picked up a book on the subject or read a Theological Essay. Last week, I read that 25% on Ontarians are Atheist or lean towards Atheism.

Wow! That’s a bunch of folks.

Atheists are known for saying things like-

You know, God doesn’t exist, so relax and enjoy your life.

You know it’s a myth, so this season- think Reason.

Picking up a verse from our Jewish Friends and Hanukkah, they say this time of year is a Festival of Love, closeness, happiness, success, health, peace and joy in your world and always.

Amen.

I mean ~ahem~.

Well said and all without a speck of “Jesusism”. Actually, there’s no God in those words either. As Humans on this planet earth we can all aspire to every one of those things- without the help of a Grand Deity placing fear in our hearts for what happens when we all lay our heads down for a long, winter’s nap…in this case I am referring to “death” not the Clement Moore Poem.

Christians live their entire lives worrying about being dead.

What is going to happen to me when the lights go out?

A new beginning that’s what happens.

A beautiful beginning.

Picture this scenario after you pass on. You will feel a floating sensation and feel and see a bright welcoming light. You move forward. Suddenly an old friend or family member- let’s call him “Moe”, greets you with an outstretched hand and a warm smile. Maybe even a song. You grab his hand and shake it firmly as he looks you straight in the eyes and says to you-

“Hey Welcome! Good Gosh! You spent your entire life worrying about what death is like didn’t you- and here it is- nothing to worry about. You’ll see. Oh- don’t worry about all that worrying”- they’ll say to you.

“All of us here worried a major part of our lives away too. Now, we all wish we had of just enjoyed life and had of been good to people and smiled and laughed little more.”

That’s how simple it will be.

At least that is what I have been shown and told from those who have passed on.

It was unsettling to hear this and see fleeting images of the next plane- at first. Now It feels quite natural when I “hear” from someone who has crossed over. Oh, they’re not long conversations, just fleeting moments and good vibes.

Actually, that’s what this whole season is about.

Moments and Good vibes.

Laughter. Love. Togetherness.

Now, a final word about this togetherness thing.

It’s not all it’s meant to be.

It’s like reaching for a star.

We wax poetic about the perfect Family Holiday Celebration.

I suspect few experience it.

I certainly don’t from my family.

Once, I suppose I did but today the best thing to do is take some time and reflect on what has been and what is to be.

Simply do what makes you feel happy and content.

Do what makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.

If you reach the “warm and fuzzy” plateau this Holiday Season, you have attained something that many of us don’t.

We all strive for it but “life” can just get in the way- religion too.

So, this Christmas Season, smile at a stranger. Hug someone. Kiss your dog. Shake hands with the cashier at the dollar store and wish them the best of the Christmas Season. Just don’t worry about the final journey.

Now, that’s what Christmas should be!

ROBBLOG #354

2011-12-21T00:10:00.001-05:00

Dear Virginia Adams,

It’s your “jolly” friend Santa Claus here from the south end of the North Pole.

My stars Virginia!

Things they are really humming here at the North Pole workshop.

I just happen to have a few minutes to myself, so I thought I would write you. Mrs. Claus has brought me in a nice cup of hot coco and a shortbread cookie- fresh from her oven, so I’m sitting here in my great big leather chair with my feet up on an overstuffed elf…er…I mean…er…mean ottoman, resting- before the nuttiness starts again in about an hour.

Oh Virginia. We are finally on schedule and the sleigh is being loaded as we speak. It takes several days you know my Darling. It’s a very large sleigh and I have an even bigger bag.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Now Virginia Adams, speaking of Ho! Ho! Ho! I was reading today where some boys and girls in this ragged old world of ours have this notion that Ho! Ho! HO! Is a secret sign for “666”- the sign of old Beelzebub. You know 6 letters. 6-6-6.

Imagine, the Devils numbers hidden within my Ho! Ho! Ho!’s.

How preposterous- wouldn’t you say Virginia Adams?

Why, the very idea!

Oh but it doesn’t stop there.

Oh, my no!

Some of these same scallywags claim that my first name is an anagram for Satan!

Oh for cripes sakes Virginia.

Santa’s name with a hidden name?

In this case “‘Satan”?

I know it sounds quite unbelievable- doesn’t it?

The very idea that I have a tail growing from my bottom and horns sticking through the top of my head…

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Now that is a good one.

This Santa is really Santa. The real deal.

Why if you believe anything other that even for one second, you might was well say that Ronald McDonald is the son of Satan- what with all that freakish clown makeup and big shoes, not to mention that horrible, scary smile.

I have to tell you something Virginia Adams.

That sucker makes me shiver.

Maybe it’s his red hair.

Maybe his never-ending appetite for Big Macs.

Maybe his happy-go-lucky persona.

I mean for goodness sakes Virginia Adams, even old Satan…er, I mean Santa has an off day now and then. Oh yes, I have been known to curse and swear and kick little bunnies in their hole, in the ground. Oh, I cut the heads off flowers and call Mrs. Claus all sorts of disrespectful names.

Does that make me a bad man?

Does that make me seem like Satan?

Good Golly Virginia Adams!

No way.

I’m just as nice and loving as the next snake-in-the-grass….I mean human.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Now, I am just pulling your tail Virginia Adams.

Santa never does any of those things. That’s Satan and we all know he lives in Hell and all his followers will eventually go to “Hell in a handbag”- even the Mormons.

Well, Dear Virginia Adams, by the hairs on my chinny, chin, chin- and there are many, my break is just about over. I had better go back over to the workshop and see what’s going on.

Those elves better be hard at work or there’ll be the “devil” to pay.

Have a good one and maybe I’ll write once more before Christmas.

Your servant,

Satan Claus. (Only kidding...)

Ho! Ho! Ho!

ROBBLOG #353

2011-12-19T00:07:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas

We went to the Big City on the weekend to see Mary and Zelda.

Mary as in Mary Poppins The Musical at the Princess of Wales Theatre and Zelda as in Zelda’s- one of our favourite “Gay” Restaurants.

Mary Poppins was a true delight. Colourful costumes. Memorable songs with terrific dancing and sets. Mary gets an A for the productions. Many Canadians were in the cast too. A nice change from an All-American Casting. If you want to see Mary before she grabs her umbrella and flies away, you’ll have to do it before December 31^st.

Zelda’s has terrific food! The restaurant used to be on Church Street in the Heart of the Gay Village but she moved to Yonge Street- at Isabella, a couple of years ago and she hasn’t looked back. Affable servers who are always in a good mood- even when they’re “bitchy” and fabulous, freshly prepared food and desserts. Zelda’s martini’s have a it of a bit too. I had the Zelda’s ‘Bitch Slap’. Proud Mary (a Gay term for a Gay man) was a close second.

Tom and I shopped in a favourite village store first before walking over a block to Yonge Street and Zelda’s. I was able to sneak in a small gift for Tom as well as buying my “Manly Man” Colt calendar for 2012. The calendar I usually buy was out of stock- and no wonder- WOOF! I substituted another-still Colt Men, not the same but it’ll have to do unless I get down to the city again or order online. At this point in my life, if you’ve seen one naked man on a calendar, you’ve seen them all.

Ummmmmmm.

Wait.

That’s not exactly true.

Many men differ- if you get my drift but basically the parts are all in the same place and are strikingly similar in appearance. Yes Dear Readers, “they”- by that I mean dicks, do come in all shapes and sizes!

So it was a nice afternoon.

Driving home we drove along Church Street to Davenport Road and cut across to Avenue Road. It was a fairly quick drive north on Avenue Road but as we neared Lawrence Avenue, there was a slowdown. We could see flashing lights in the distance.

“It’ll be a R.I.D.E. Check I said to Tom.”

He was driving because I had sampled a Zelda’s Martini as I said earlier. He was the “DD”.

No worries here.

So eventually we got to the front of the line of vehicles and Tom rolled the driver’s side window down as the Officer approached.

“Hello, Sir. How are you his evening? Have you had anything to drink?”

“No.”- says Tom, “I am the Designated Driver”.

The Officer looked to me in the driver’s seat and asked if I had been drinking.

“Yes sir, one Martini!” I held one finger aloft.

“If he’s the designated Driver, I would have had more than one!”-said the officer!

Would you like to try a test anyway?

“A Test?”. For what I wondered.

“A test to see where you would be alcohol in your blood-wise. You aren’t driving, so you don’t have to said the polite officer.

“No. I think I’ll pass. We have to drive all the way home to Orillia and we’re running a bit late. We have R.I.D.E. programmes in Orillia, so maybe I’ll try one there sometime.”

“You have R.I.D.E. Programmes is Orillia?” He seemed surprised.

“Yes, always at this time of the year especially.” I added. Good Gosh, how far in the “redneck boonies” does he think we live?

He wished us a good evening. Tom thanked him for being out on a cool night doing what he and the other officers were doing. We both said “Merry Christmas”!

We drove along Avenue Road towards the 401.

“You know, that was strange that he asked to try a test- just for fun and for my own information.”- I said to Tom as he took the ramp to the right and 401 West. “Something tells me that once they have you do that you are in the “system”.

To what purpose I don’t know but I was glad I passed on the nice policeman’s kind Holiday offer to blow up a balloon or two. Maybe that’s when they check registration, driver’s licence, personal ID and maybe that’s when they come upon the occasional bank robber or lapsed Catholic.

I dunno.

The rest of the drive home to Orillia was uneventful.

Clear roads.

No snow- except around Barrie and

No more R.I.D.E. programmes.

Orillia had already rolled up the streets by the time we hit the West Street Exit about 9:30 PM.

Home Sweet “redneck boonie” home!

ROBBLOG #352 W E E K E N D Edition

2011-12-16T00:38:00.003-05:00

Dear Virginia Adams,

It’s me. Santa Claus…again.

Things are hopping here at the North Pole Workshop.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

I never get used to the hustle and bustle. Does that surprize you My Dear girl?

Sometimes, I just have to put my feet up in front of the television and sip away at a creamy hot chocolate made by my Dear wife- Amelia.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Bless My whiskers!

You would know Amelia by her professional name- Mrs. Claus. Oh Virginia Adams, she is much more than Mrs Claus. These days she operates an Internet Business.

Buying and Selling she calls it.

I don’t ask too many questions but she seems to be at her office computer at various times throughout the day or evening. Sometimes early on a North Pole morning I hear her race from our bed mumbling something about Toe Key Oh’s open. I guess it’s for some secret door up here at the North Pole- that “key” I mean. As I said Virginia Adams, I don’t question Amelia’s Business dealings.

Oh no!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

She does quite well for herself. Why last year she bought a new BMW- Beamer she calls it. She had snows installed and that things goes like “saxophone spit”.

Now you may wonder Virginia how far one can get driving in the snow here at the North Pole.

My stars! The media sometimes blows our weather all out of the dickens.

You see we live on the “south” side of the North Pole, so our winters are quite “balmy”- like Windsor or maybe even Victoria on Vancouver Island. It’s easy to get around the highways and bi-ways here at the Pole.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Say, Virginia Adams, I see on the Weather Channel and when I listen to Heather and Rob on that Swisssh Radio Programme- The Morinng Show at Night, that you have no snow down there this year.

Goodness Gracious Grandma!

Virginia Adams, if you are speaking to any of the young folk, please tell them not to worry. Old Santa has special wheels on his sleigh and even the reindeer have had tiny little wheels attached to their hooves for just such a situation. As a matter of fact Virginia Adams, as this world of our warms up bit by bit some of my technical elves in the transportation sector of the North Pole Workshop- Building 252-C, have come up with some pretty amazing ideas to not only circumvent this globe of ours but also to figure a way to keep my sleigh safe- both aloft and on the ground. So tell the kiddies not to worry. We’ve got it covered.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Now Virginia, time grows short and I love these little talks we have together. I feel so close to you ever since you sent me that special letter a few years ago. My goodness when I read it aloud every Christmas, it just sounds as fresh as the first time these tired old Santa eyes opened your letter and read the contents.

I had better be on the run now.

I mean that literally Virginia Adams.

Your Old Santa runs a couple of “km” every day. Good Golly and a glass of Eggnog, it seems to be working because I feel as young as I did a hundred and fifty years ago!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

I bet you didn’t know that, did you my Dear Virginia?

So now, you take care Virginia Adams. Finish your Christmas Shopping and enjoy every minute of it. Give to a few good causes this season and give the ones around you that you love the most, a bigger, more special hug. It’ll hold you through every day of the new year.

Good Gravy.

Take care and I’ll write one more time before my big flight.

Your friend,

Santa.

ROBBLOG #351

2011-12-14T00:01:00.001-05:00

The Christmas Season just wouldn't be "jolly" without a visit from Dame Clare Voyant and a blog about the Holiday Festivites around the Palasi Royal- just on the outside of town.
Enjoy!

Around the Palais

by Dame Clare Voyant

Well My Dears,

Festive is what Festive does.

I mean that.

I really do.

Take Xavier- who is the hubbie of Roger my head poolboy. This delivery boy- well, man really Darlings, even though his tussled blonde hair gave me boyish dreams later that same night, arrives at the door and brings Xavier a bouquet of 24 red roses from Roger.

I know My Dears- how incredibly festive and loving and thoughtful. I was standing in the front hall as the delivery boy passed the bundle to Xavier.

“My Xavier, aren’t those roses absolutely spectacular!”- I gushed.

“Yes, they are”- says Xavier, “but you know what this- he nods towards the bouquet of red stems in his arms, means…”

“He loves you?”- I quickly say.

“No!” says Xavier. “It means that for the rest of the holidays I will be flat on my back-mostly, with my muscular legs in the air pointing my athletic toes toward the stars!”

“Well for goodness sakes Xavier, why not use one of the crystal vases from the dining room hutch!!”- I exclaim!!

I meant that My Dears.

I really did.

At the Palais I would share anything and everything with my “Boys”.

So it’s been a whirlwind of holiday parties, get-togethers , sing-a-longs and nuts roasting by the open fire pit on the south lawn. I tell both Roger and Xavier to move back from the flames a little My Dears or they’ll singe their bikini line but they only smile at me and open their swimmers legs all the wider to welcome even more heat in that most private of places.

Well My Dears, you have to laugh.

I mean that.

I really do.

Honestly, My Dears, I will never understand the attachment you men have with your extremities. Keeping them warm one minute and exposing them to the elements the next.

Why I remember one year Roger, Xavier and a sleigh load of their friends from the city wallowed naked in the snow on the Palais’ West Lawn making the most interesting snow angels. Their arms, legs and all manner of body parts were twisting and fluttering, this way and that.

My best friend Hedda Lettuce, her secretary Sofonda Cox and your Dameness were splitting a royal gut watching from the conservatory, while sipping on warm cider, cranberry juice and just a touch of Amaretto. A holiday drink made and named by a very good friend of your Dame’s- who shall go nameless to protect his standing in the community.

This friend dubbed the brew “Jingle Bells”

How positively sweet!

I mean that my Dears.

I really Do.

So, onwards with the Holiday Fun!

Make Merry- won’t you my Darlings?

Oh and- keep your extremities warm and safe- won’t you?

Cheery Holidays to one and all!!

I mean that.

I really do!

ROBBLOG #350

2011-12-12T00:27:00.007-05:00

Hold the Holiday Phone!

The Pope is telling the world that’s it’s going to be a difficult Christmas- what with the poor economy and everything. Geeze, thanks Pope.

For a man who is supposed to be connected to the “Big Guy” he’s not too smart or he just doesn’t have a direct line. I am sure that god would tell him to sell off some of the riches of his church and provide for the flock not only at Christmas but all year through.

Christ in a Creche!

Shouldn’t this shepherd of the Catholic flock who is the leader of the only true church and religion on this planet- according to Catholic Dogma, be content to live in a shack in the woods? One would think.

When we were in Paris- up at Sacre Coeur, a monk walked by us as we approached the historic church building.

He was wearing sandals.

His feet were bare.

The old brown robe he was wearing was cinched around the centre with a braided rope. He covered his bare head with the hood of his garment as he passed by us in the street.

I watched him walk along- alone. A half dozen tourists- such as ourselves, turned intently as he ambled along. It was as if it was 1100. He walked along and turned up a side street and disappeared. Now there’s a man who is just into his faith, not the expensive, robes, ermine, gold crystal and Prada Shoes of the Head Father of the Flock, this representative of Christ on Earth,

It’s all Poppycock and Hogwash anyway.

Simply, religious scare tactics to make sheepish Christians bow down and praise their station in life and his too.

I was listening to a radio programme last week. A man of religion was being interviewed. He was being frank with both his interviewer and the radio audience. He had lived the bible and Jesus for these past 30 years. Now he was questioning religion. He made some interesting points.

He said, the “certainty” crowd (the ones that believe every little tidbit offered to them from the pulpit or bible study) even irritates most religious types. In other words be religious but not quite so religious as it takes all the fun away.

Doubt is compatible with faith.

You have faith.

You have doubt.

You proclaim to have “faith” because you really have doubt- or are afraid.

Lastly he said religion is “tribal conditioning”.

Bingo!

Religion is a tribe and either you’re with the “tribe” or you’re not. If you’re not, the “tribe” has little time for you. Oh, they pretend they do. They smile and nod at you. They pretend nothing has changed but everything has changed. The church is first in their mindset now.

Can you celebrate the season and not bow down to an all-powerful god?

Yes, of course you can.

The Christmas Story for instance can be celebrated simply as a legend. A legend of love. A secular Christmas celebrates Joy and Love and Peace and even Santa Claus who demonstrates love, goodness and giving- not a God.

It may not be a prayer in the religious sense but recently I heard a wish- a statement of Love if you will. It was a wish that can be made in the form of an offering to humanity- not god. Upon hearing these words for the first time, my emotions flowed.

“May justice, kindness and Peace flow from my heart, forever.”

So, apparently we all will have to cut back on our spending this Holiday Season. Oh, that’s not to say your “Christmas Envelope” to your tribe shouldn’t be just as generous, it just means when you do your Christmas Shopping, buy socks at the dollar store and not The Bay.

ROBBLOG #349 W E E K E N D Edition

2011-12-09T11:03:00.008-05:00

It's another Holiday Adventure for your Seasonal Enjoyment. Baby Jane and Blanche want to go sledding.The fun and "barbs" are about to fly.

It's 1:15 PM on Bleeker Street. Snow is softly falling and the tree inside Blanche and Jane's big front

window is twinkling merrily with 650 multi-colour lights. There's a newspaper stuffed in the mailbox next to the steps and a big red sled leans up against the front porch railing. Inside Blanche and her wheelchair are next to the window that faces the back yard. Finches and Blue Jays are flapping back and forth from the feeder to the big oak tree alongside the patio. Jane comes into the room...

Jane: Blanche, let’s grab our Sleds and go down that big hill over at Hickory Creek. All that powdery white stuff out there! ~puff, drag~ It'll be so Christmasssy. Just like a Christmas Card!

Blanche: Oh Jane Dear that sounds wonderful- and quite "holiday-like" as you say. OK. I'm in as long as you and Johnnie Strongman promise not to throw me in a cardboard box and shove me down the hill like last year!

Jane: Oh Hell's Christmas Bells, I almost freekin' forgot ~puff, puff~ Gee that was such fun!

Blanche: Now Jane, something serious might have happened to me and spoiled my Christmas!

Jane: ~puff, puff, drag~ Like what? You might have tinkled in your "Thursday" undies!

Blanche: No Jane Dear. How awful of you to think that. I mean I could have suffered an injury or something. I might have had to spend Christmas in the hospital.

Jane: Yes ~puff, puff~ I might have had to put you away for good!

Blanche: What?

Jane: Away Blanche. Put you away! Like I’d dig a hole in the back garden and throw you in a cardboard box and all ~drag, puff, drag~

Blanche: Oh Grrrrrrr. If only I wasn’t in this blasted chair. I’d…I’d..

Jane: You’d do what Blanche? Go dancing at the Savoy Hotel? ~puff, puff~ That’s rich. But you know what Blanche?

Blanche: What Jane Dear.

Jane: I’d love you just as much if you were perfect- just like I do now, with you all broken and stuff ~puff, puff~

Blanche: Happy Holidays and a Merry Christmas to you too Jane Dear!

ROBBLOG # 348

2011-12-07T10:42:00.000-05:00

Dear Virginia Adams,

It’s me- Santa Claus.

Remember all those letters I wrote to you last year? I thought it was time to drop you a note. Hard to believe it’s December! I sincerely hope you have had a good year. Mrs. Claus and I have been well- except for my left knee acting up now and again. We even got a chance to take a trip to the Hawaiian Islands last June. It was very restful indeed.

It’s a busy time here at the North Pole Canada- H0H 0H0, as you can imagine. The elves are working their collective, little butts off but they always do it with such cheery dispositions. They have been so loyal over the decades. I am one lucky Santa.

I hope your year has been a good one too.

My, my, the stuff that goes on in this old world of ours. I have to sit and stroke my beard and wonder sometimes. If all the Love and Peace and understanding that most of the world experiences at this time of the year could only be stretched over the entire 12 months, wouldn’t it be a more wonderful world?

There certainly has been some changes in some of the countries on the opposite side of the globe- hasn’t there? I hope that people in those nations get a fresh start. They deserve it so.

Violence is still a staple in the day-to-day lives of so many humans on this planet Earth. If that simple little word “Love” and the larger word “understanding” was practiced every day, our troubles would be small. However, many of us still make “Mountains out of Mole Hills”. Which reminds me, I must trot on down to Mr. Mole’s house next to the hollow log and have a Holiday Toddy. Oh Yes Virginia, Mr. Mole is a real person. A right kindly old gent who loves to read and enjoys company- especially at this time of yea. He invites many friends to make themselves comfortable in front of his roaring fireplace in his comfortable little house.

Bless my whiskers! As I got through my days and read the news and such, do you know what upsets me Miss Virginia Adams? One thing that upsets me is that story about those two lady bus drivers in Kingston who had to remove all their Holiday decorations on the school buses they drive.

And why?

Well, they might upset one of the kiddies who are non-Christian.

Isn’t that a lot of balderdash?

I mean really. Where’s is the understanding- the love?

Does it upset you and I when we see a someone who has their head wrapped in a turban or a lady fully-draped in a robe from head to toe as they cross our paths at a busy airport? Does that infringe on our rights- religious or otherwise?

Absolutely not!

It is ridiculous to even think of it.

So let those two ladies spread a bit of cheer. The Holiday Season is for all of us not just Christians. The Season is non-denominational these days and I for one couldn’t be more pleased.

Are you surprized that I say that Virginia?

People need to relax. Put their feet up and smile, dream and laugh along with the season. Leave religious faith out of it Virginia. It causes more problems than it resolves. Santa’s beena round a long time and I know this to be true. It’s just that things have to work themselves out and sometimes that takes centuries. Humans have to look after themselves. Put themselves first with health and spiritual concerns. The answers are all out there if one just takes the time to listen and hear.

Now, of course if that’s what you want to do and it comforts you- all the better. Grab hold of your beliefs and ride that locomotive on the rails to redemption but leave others to have a good life- and a Godless one if that be the case.

Ho Ho Ho.

I bet you didn’t think Old Santa could be so political or have views like that- eh? Well I live in this old world too Virginia. I know the world doesn’t revolve around me. It takes all of us to make the Human Race. Just sometimes we start to muck it all up!

Oh, goodness gracious me. Ted my head Elf this year has just come into my office here

at The Pole. He tells me they need me in wooden toys and computer parts, so I had better close the old laptop for now. I’ll write a few more lines to you- Virginia Adams, very soon.

Your friend,

Santa Claus.

ROBBLOG #348

2011-12-06T00:21:00.005-05:00

Jesus Christ in a Manager scene!

The Christians are pissed off at Captain Jack Sparrow.

It seems Sparrow’s real life nemesis has recorded a Christmas Song.

Maybe I should say a “Holiday” song. He teamed up with a bunch of British wankers- a group called “Babybird”, to record a little holiday number simply called “The Jesus Stag Night Club”.

Its lyrics apparently tell the macabre story of a figure- alluding to be Mr. Christ, having a few drinkie-poos at a strip club. It doesn’t say if it’s a strip club will naked boobies or dickies.

The latter I hope.

I mean, I have always maintained that Jesus was fruity what with hanging around with those 12 sandal-clad boys and a Fag Hag Mary Magdalene, all those years!

A few lines go like this:

"Saw a man in a bar with his hair like a lady.

Bloody thorns round his ear like he was a crazy.

He had holes in his hands and a cross for a spine.

Crushed a berry in his Perrier and called it wine."

Ewwwww!

Not exactly Frosty the Snowperson or What Chide is This?

Now, this song has caught the ears of a religious group and their “Focus on Family” campaign. Why these Christians are listening to such a group is beyond me. After all, I am sure the group “Babybird” doesn’t spend its days sorting through Christian Rock songs- which I find disturbing, attempting to find a religious ditty that disgusts them.

Good Lord, isn’t there a movie showing in theatres right now that they can picket because of questionable content? Isn’t Jake Gyllenhall showing his tight, little naked ass in another movie this Christmas Season? Isn’t Ryan Gosling displaying his perfect, picturesque stomach muscles in 3D along with God only knows what else?

Surely that is wrong.

It sounds pretty Gay to me too.

Not wrong.

Just Gay.

Nothing wrong with that these days.

Anyhow without putting words into a Christian’s mouth- we all know only Jesus and God the Father can do that, a learned spokesperson says in a Christian Media release-

"We are sickened by Mr. Depp's behaviour. Why did he need to record this song? It is a slap in the face to Christians all over the world."

Lee Douglas a member of The Christian Coalition adds fuel to the fires of Holy old Hell by adding-

"I'm sure he (Jack Sparrow/Johnny Depp) thinks he's being very funny but he's simply a disgrace. One day, Johnny Depp and his cronies will face the judgment of our Lord and they will burn in hell for this filth."

Hmmm. Betcha a cookie to a crucifix, this fellah has never even heard a note- let alone a lyric, of the song. Of course, when have Christians ever looked before they’ve leaped- except when it’s a question of faith. You see, faith is a very powerful tool, that not even a Mr.Clean sponge can wipe clean. Once the bee sting of organized religion has stung you, you are a lost soul to those of us who once considered you apart of the human race.

Surely the pious can look elsewhere this holiday season. I mean young people are taking their lives left and right from being bullied. Far Eastern Women are being stoned and in our own country, young women have been drowned all in the name of religion and God.

Cripes take a swipe at Rosie O’Donnell. She’s out there!

She’s marrying a woman- again.

It’s Mary and Joseph you know, Rosie.

Not Mary and Karey!

Still, it’s all over the news.

Actually, why is that even making news anymore?

But the bigger news is that NASA may have discovered another planet- like earth, that has an average temperature of 22 degrees celsius and has water and land. Heck, maybe even a Tim Horton’s on every corner.

Imagine if another planet like earth was found?

There goes religion.

I’m not sure that the Bible even mentions “life” on other planets- unless of course you’re talking Mormanisim- one of my favourite “isims”. They believe that God lives on one planet while Jesus has a globe of his own too. How did the rest of the Christian religions miss that one? I don’t see any Family Coalition being upset at that preposterous bit of clap trap.

The final word or words I suppose, goes to Babybird frontman Stephen Jones during this joyous Holiday Season. Stephen has brushed off the controversy regarding their Christmas song and Johnny Depp by saying-

"Some people have no sense of humour."

In a recent interview Stephen Jones also said:

“I was in a hotel room last year and in the bedside drawer was the Book of Mormon. But the second 'M' had been scraped off, so that immediately got my interest, and once I delved in, the lyrics for 'Jesus Stag Night' just flowed out of me as though the Lord himself had touched me in my secret place.

Then, on his Twitter account Jones tweeted:

“Christians go to Heaven. Sinners go to Hell. This is their message of Peace. Oh yes and Gays can F*** Off too. It’s a beautiful world Jesus!”

If you want to hear the song, it’s on You Tube.
Go Fish.

Happy Holidays!

ROBBLOG #346

2011-12-05T00:28:00.000-05:00

Being in both Germany (Mainz) and France (Paris) last week was a wonderful experience- especially at Holiday time.

The Christmas Markets we toured in Both Mainz and Paris is something we don’t see here in Canada- at least not in the Orillia area. Perhaps near Kitchener-Waterloo Christmas Markets exist- such as they do in Germany, because of the German Heritage. Remember that Kitchener was once Berlin, Ontario!

In Paris, the Market stretched along the Champs Elysees. All the buildings were chalet style and painted a brilliant snow white. Spruce trees along the avenue were flocked white. Coloured rings that reminded me of large hula hoops hung from lamp posts and trees, their auras changing constantly. Most corners featured blue and white lights on trees and lit Christmas ornaments were in adundance in fountains and on walkways and Paris’ main shopping concourse.

In the Mainz market thousands of white lights hung from trees and were suspended overhead. A huge advent whirligig/pyramid stood guard at the entrance while a life-size nativity scene was on display outside the Dome Cathedral in Mainz Market Square.

With all the history and tradition, it’s pretty hard to beat Paris and Mainz.

Here at home when Tom and I lived in Mississauga, we made a yearly trek to Cullen Country Barns. The barns were torn down years ago to make way for development. That same fate eventually gobbled up Cullen Gardens and Miniature Village-although the City of Oshawa bought the whole village and has it in storage.

Too bad.

It was quite the display.

Back in the late 80’s Weal and Cullen Garden Centres was a magical place at Christmas. We bought an 8 foot Cullen Country Supreme Spruce Tree one Christmas and it gave us service for 19 Christmases until the artificial needles began to drop- just like a real tree. Weal and Cullen’s decorations were beautiful and it was hard to browse and not make a purchase. Of course, Weal and Cullen no longer exists today.

Another store that was loaded to the brim with holiday decor during the Christmas Season was White Rose. We always browsed White Rose during the Holidays Now, that store no longer exists across the country.

There’s no shop in Orillia that comes close to those heady days of Weal and Cullen.Canadian Tire in Orillia has a terrific display of trees this year. So too- Home Depot.

Scott’s Garden Centre on Coldwater Road has the heady smell of Christmas with fresh fir and spruce. It’s not huge but it’s worth a visit. It’s just not the same as the huge space that both Weal and Cullen occupied.

Then, on the weekend we asked a friend to come with us for a drive to Barrie- like most Orillians, to make our first pilgrimage ever to Bradford Greenhouse Garden Gallery.

We all were absolutely blown away!

There had to be 50+ decorated trees throughout the massive complex- all indoors. The fresh trees and garland were in a glass-roofed area of the store. When we walked through the front door, the heady fragrance of spruce and pine merrily slapped us in the face and memories of “real” Christmases of the 50’s and 60’s came flooding back.

Artificial trees of all shaped and sizes were stuck in every corner of the store. Some trees priced at over 1000 dollars. Beautiful, lush holiday arrangements gushed and draped over the edges of colourful cast iron urns. We bought a bright and shiny, holiday red urn for just outside the front door. It was so beautiful we couldn’t resist. We’ll make our own arrangement.

At the base of every of the several dozen heavily ornamented trees, ornaments for purchase were kept in baskets overflowing with decorations. It was so easy to choose favourites from the trees.

After walking for an hour or more there was a corner of the gallery that was absolutely beautiful. I was on Christmas overload. It was all so beautiful I could hardly believe it.

It took my breath away!

It practically brought tears to my eyes.

I had trouble taking it all in- like a 5 year old on Christmas morning.

There was a myriad of trees all placed around the perimeter with a dark walnut dining room table anchoring the centre of the display. Ornaments featuring deep earth tones accented with copper, gold, velvety greens and burgundy covered the trees.This corner display was spectacular! I could barely catch my breath as I looked at each tree- some 12 feet tall!

I said to a sales staff standing nearby that if I were a “rich man” I would tell you to pack up everything and send it along to my house. Alas, I am not rich so I had to choose a half-dozen or so ornaments to add to my “romantically” themed parlour trees at home.

Yes, I said trees. I have two Christmas trees bookending our fireplace all decked in gold, deep greens and burgundy with a whole lot of sparkle and wide translucent ribbons of burgundy, green and gold wrapped through the branches. Several hundred white lights twinkle from the decoration laden branches.

Beautiful- if I do say so myself!

There’s another tree in our Keeping Room heavily accented in red, branches covered with 500 white lights- some blinking and twinkling.

I love that tree too! It just seemed to come together so well this year- and I decorated before going to Europe since it would be December when we arrived home.

This blogl sounds like one big commercial but if you’re lacking the Christmas/Holiday spirit this season, I guarantee that you will get in the spirit quickly with a tour.

Give yourself a few hours to see everything.

We’ll have to go back again.

There’s just too much to see!

Help yourself to a coffee and a small bag of popcorn when you make a donation to help the less fortunate this Holiday Season.

Of course, Bradford Greenhouse and Garden Gallery is a business and everything is there for you to buy- even birdhouses, candles, framed prints, scarves, ribbon, wrapping paper and more but I’m sure you are quite welcome to browse. Items are nicely priced and I saw Christmas bobbles priced anywhere from $1.99 to $199 and more.

However, if you just feel the need to browse don’t say I didn’t warn you- it will be difficult not to purchase something. Even if you invited old Ebenezer Scrooge along for the afternoon you’d be hard-pressed to leave empty-handed!

ROBBLOG # 345 W E E K E N D Edition

2011-12-02T18:32:00.000-05:00

Okay folks, from here on in, it’s a definite test of one’s patience and “Holiday Cheer” when you venture into a busy department store or mall. The crunch is on! People are wide-eyed, like Bambi caught in the headlights of an oncoming Ford Falcon. We never seem to learn though. We never seem to have enough time. As a friend’s husband once said to “the Wife”-“Did you forget that Christmas falls on December 25 Dear?”

At our house we are cutting back again this year. After all we have just returned from a one week Holiday in Mainz, Germany and Paris, France. Funds are low. On top of that, I'm installing a new console/operation board in the Swisssh Radio Studio. That's cost is more than ~ahem~. Well, never mind that figure. Cutting back is not what Zellers, Wal*Mart, The Bay and Future Shop want to hear but that’s the lay of the land again this Holiday Season- for us at least.

Gift-giving? Well honestly, can you even remember what Uncle Stew gave you last Christmas? Probably not.
Now, we're not being total Scrooges. We are still buying a turkey, seeing holiday shows, a movie or two and buying little things for host(ess) gifts- if we happen to see friends over the Holidays but that’s it.

To be sure, the spirit of Christmas is still here at out house. The Non-Religious spirit that is. While a few friends and relatives do things for the Glory of Jesus and God at Christmas, we like to think of the Manager Story with a baby, Three Kings and Shepherds as charming little story set in a faraway land. We're not looking to bow down to some overpowering, love-demanding God that is going to promise us we'll see Heaven if we kiss his or her Christmas ass. It's something like Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and the Toronto Star. He's not kissing butt and neither is Torstar. No love lost there between a Conservative Bigot and Toronto's Number one Newspaper. Frankly, it makes me ill seeing pictures of the fat ****** every time I look at a newspaper or online edition.

One of the nicest things about the Holiday Season this year is the relatively low number of colourful, rubber monoliths that covered every lawn in Orillia just a few short years ago. We had neighbours- who have since moved away, cover every available space on the ground or rooftop with those things. Mickey, Goofy, Mini Mouse and more al starring at us throughout the season. It was too much! Fah-la-la-la-lah-la-la-la-lah!!

Good on the City of Orillia for providing free parking Downtown once again this year. I mean hardly anybody ever shops downtown because of the fear of a parking ticket or at the very least paying twice or three times the amount that one would at the mall or an outlet store. I say “bravo” just the same for still trying to convince us to shop downtown. At least for a few weeks when I pull into a lot to “Shop Downtown”, I am not frustrated searching for major coinage- when all I have is pennies, to feed the blasted meter. Any wonder it’s easier to drive to West Ridge or The Mall. Geeesh!

Speaking of Downtown finally the Opera House Christmas Tree is absolutely beautiful! I wonder if Krista Storey had something to do with that tree? I mean someone had to tell the “straight guys” they were mucking it all up when decorating that tree with those purplish-coloured lights! Like Christmas Decorating and Wedding Planning, the rule is- leave these things to Gay Men.

Many of us will choosae to shop online this year and wait for Canpar, the UPS Man or Canada Post, conveniently delivering our purchases to our front doors. That’s a good idea. It might save you some time if you check the store’s website- if you intend shopping in person, to see if they even carry the item you’re searching for.

Finally, I love Christmas music. I start playing it on Swisssh Radio the day that the Orillia Santa Claus Parade schlepped it's way through Downtown Orillia. I hear Christmas Music in the stores too. Oh, while on that subject, if Jesus exists and is reading this column, please make that Hippopotamus Song, any Christmas tune sung by Whitney Houston along with that freakin’ Mary’s Boy Child tune from Boney M- disappear.

God, Bless us every one!

ROBBLOG # 344

2011-11-30T14:27:00.003-05:00

We have had a great day in Paris. Our final full day in the City of Light.

It was Sunny on Wednesday with double-digit temps.

We began the day with breakfast in a small cafe on Avenue de Ternes. It was comprised of a crossiant, jam,
warm Tuscan bread, a fruit bowl- bananas, apples and strawberries in some sort of sweet sauce
and coffee with lait chaud.

After breakfast, we walked to the Montmartre secton of Paris. It was a beautiful day and although the
walk was long it was enjoyable every step of the way.We looked in shop windows, browsed
in stores and had coffee at a Starbucks. My first cup of Canadian Style Coffee since leaving Canada a week ago. The Starbucks was located in the square opposite the famous Moulin Rouge.
Funny.
Once you see the huge windmill and the name Moulin Ruge you think-
"So this is it. This is the Moulin Rouge, the home of the French Can-Can known the world over."
It can be a little disappointing. sitting there in the Parisienne sunshine, sipping on a hot, tasty coffee and nibbling on a chocolate muffin- le Muffin en Francais. However, at night with the lights flashing and the windmill blades rotating, it was a tres, tres agreable.

The Montmartre area of Paris is on the highest point overlooking the city.
I think it's where one should live in Paris- if not Place de Victor Hugo, which is very appealing too and closer to La Tour Eiffel.
Montmartre has fabulous shops, many Gay couples strolling about and a cafe every few feet. Just like Tim Horton's in Canada. You could spend many dollars- I mean Euros, in this area. The famous church Sacre Coeur is at the top. Of all the churches we visited- including Notre Dame, this was the only one where we were not allowed to take photos.

Too bad.

It is beautiful inside with high vaulted celings and an incredible, colourful fresco above the high
altar. From his vaulted position, Christ peers down on us puney little humans. All white-skinned with blue eyes twinkling. He looks like he could be a male model over at Abercrombie and Fitch on the Champs Elysees. I didn't see Jesus in the flesh in that Eglise (church en Francais) but if he appeared, even he would be impressed with the artwork- especially all that gold! He might be a little pissed off however, since this church was built to the glory of his mother- Mary, not him. He does have a larger picture on the ceiling than Mary but maybe not as many sculptures scattered around the side altars.

You know, come to think of it Tom and I toured about a half dozen religious structures during our stay in Paree- purley as an architectural curiosity you understand- and none of them crumbled to the ground. So, this religious thing...I dunno.
God had a chance to strike me down and she didn't. (If I believed in God, I would like to think of God as being a gentle woman not a "worship me on your knees" kind of guy.

You know, everything inside these churches takes on such an aura of ancient times- right down to the monks in tawdry, brown robes and sandals, that it's hard to believe that anyone has faith in this modern world of ours. These churches also have electric spotlights, video screens and religious medal-dispensing machines- that look similar to the slot machines out a Casino Rama, scattered in the small enclaves and side altars encircling the main sanctuaries.

As I said in another, e-mail if I had the cash I'd build one "To the Glory of Me!"
Imagine my face in a fresco several stories high with gold and gilt with money boxes placed along the side altars where folks could make donations to my cause...which would be to become even wealthier.

So My Dears, our time in Germany and France is about to end. This time tomorrow- Thursday December 1st, I'll find myself back home in Orillia with Paris just a distant memory.

Would I come back?

Let's see.
I was first here in May. Now in November.
Yes. Definitely.
I wanted to be in Paris during the holiday season to see the lights and that's been accomplished.

Up next?

Springtime in Paris- of course.

Au revouir. A demain.

ROBBLOG #343

2011-11-29T19:13:00.002-05:00

We are still in Paris.
No.
Not Ontario- although Paris Ontario is a nice spot too.

No, if you have read my last blog, you'll know that Tom and I are in Paris, France.
Tonight- mid afternoon for you, we saw Cabaret. This was the last Broadway production mounted in Paris for the second time.

Hmmm. It was all French.
Lyrics and Dialogue. Of course the music was familiar.
But all French? Is that the best these Parisiennes can do?
I am only kidding!!
Really.
Anyways, we were surprized that even the songs were "Frenchisized".
It was quite an experience to be in a theatre with a French Audience to be sure.
Somehow, it had a different feel- although the coughing, nose-blowing, late arrivals and audience members
talking during even the most quietest of songs was all there- in spades.

As I said, it was an experience.
Don't know what we'll do tomorrow.

On another note. Let's talk coffee.
It's very strong.
A very expensive experience.

I usually order a cafe au lait.
One cup costs anywhere from 2.80 Euros to 5 Euros.
That's about $3.20 to 7 dollars Canadian- and no refills.
Germany is the same, by the way- No refills.

Tonight, we had a quick supper break at McDonalds on the Champs Elysees before the theatre.
I can hear you!
All the way to Paris and we eat at McDonalds.
It was reasonable.
No.
It was cheap by Parisienne standards!
A couple of Big Macs, 2 large fries and 2 drinks about 13 Euros.

Afterwards, I had a cafe au lait at the McCafe- yes they have McCafe's in Paris too. It was 2.80 Euros.
In comparison, the night before at Le Relais- a favourite Paris Restaurant of ours, dinner, dessert and one small pot of tea for the two of us totalled 80 Euros- over 130 dollars Canadian!

Ouch!!

One has to get used to not having as much coffee as at home- although with it being stronger,
it gets the caffeeine into the bloodstream just the same.

Oh, on the ICE Train from Mainz to Paris- First Class. NO coffee or tea was offered.
However, a meal in a box, apple juice and H2O was all included in the price.

That's about it Paris for this time at least.

Bottom line- Paris is NOT cheap.
Of course neither am I so it works out!!

ROBBLOG #342

2011-11-28T19:25:00.001-05:00

I have been tardy at writing this blog but I have a great big excuse-
I am in Europe!

Since last Thursday Tom and I have been in Mainz, Germany. Mainz is about 25 minutes from Frankfurt.
We've been at the Christmas Market where we shopped till we dropped. Good Lawrd, I hope Canada Customs isn't reading this! Actually we'll be OK. We will have been away 8 days by the time we land on Canadian Soil on Thursday Afternoon. So we have room to spare to spend.
There are so many wonderful things to see and do- and buy.
Nutcrackers, hand-blown Christmas ornamnents, food, drink, clothing and much, much more. There's nothing like it back home. It's a truly wonderful event and I'll tell you more about that in a later blog.

We also took a tour of a Monastery that dates back to 1100. The Monks are no longer there but the evidence of their wine-making days still remain. In fact wine making is still in the area and the Monastery gift shop stills sells wine from the surrounding vineyards.

Today Monday we took the train to Paris- about 6 hours or so- with one stop. It was a fabulous ride and we rode in style- First Class.
Comfort class as ICE calls it.

When we arrived just after 5PM Paris time Monday, we hopped on the Metro (Subway) and made our way to the hotel not far from the L'Arc de Triomphe and the Champ Elysees- a shopping district where one finds many of the famous chain stores- like Abercrombie and Fitch.

After a quick freshen-up we headed off to take a Tour of the Sienne. New Parisienne friends Brian and Tony- who live in Northeast Paris, set the evening cruise up for us. They even brought along a bottle of champagne and a few sandwiches. We dined on the boat as we watched the Eiffel Tour, The Louvre and Notre Damn pass us by from the Sienne's banks.

What a sight! The Eiffel tower lit from top to bottom.

After the cruise we said our goodbyes to Brian and Tony and had a late dinner at one of our favourites Parisienne Restaurants.

You know what?
I still LOVE Pais!

With two days left to tour this beautiful city, it's time for bed to be refreshed for tomorrow's adventures!

Au revouir a demain.

R*

ROBBLOG #341

2011-11-21T21:06:00.001-05:00

The Holiday Splunge has started!

I am trying to get ahead of it all.

Plan Ahea

You know.

I decided to start decorating one of three trees at Pine Tree House today. I began by hanging a dozen Alfred Sung gold ornaments. Then, I splunged bits of colourful sage green and deep rose-red, organza-like ribbon between the branches. The slim-line, space-saving tree is covered with 300 or more mini lights- all clear.

So far it’s beautiful!

All I have to do now is hang about a hundred or so gold balls and I’ll be done. Then, I’ll repeat the same colour scheme on the slim- line tree that is splunged between a wing chair and the wall on the right side of the parlour fireplace.

Why the rush?

Actually, I am only a couple of days ahead of other years. I usually splunge my first tree a day or so before November 25^th- so all is good. I am getting this done ahead because Tom and I are splunging off to Paris and Frankfurt Europe.

I know what you are saying.

“Rob- you’re not splunging to Paris Europe. You’re splunging to Paris, France. You wouldn’t say you were going to Toronto North America- would you?

My answer?

“Well I would if that’s where I wanted to go!”

Sorry about that. I splunged that joke from Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell. In the movie, they had that conversation on board a splunge to Europe. They were at a cocktail party on the Lido deck. The huge ship was taking them to Paris Europe and slunges beyond. It’s one of my favourites splunges from Marilyn.

It cracks me up.

Everytime.

You really have to hear her voice to understand the inflection- and blondeness, so splunge “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” and you can hear it for yourself.

That movie splunges the song- “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Splunge.”

So, back to Tom and I.

From Pearson International, we’re flying to Frankfurt Germany first to spend a few relaxing days. We intend to splunge at the Christmas Market in Mainz- a town located about 25 minutes from Frankfurt International. We’re planning on taking a few side trips along with splunges Peter and his husband- and splunge Rene, as well as a friend of theirs and a few others.

After a few days Tom and I will take a train to Paris. We bought First Splunge tickets, so it ought to be comfortable and a highlight of the trip. The train will splunge through towns, cities and the rural countryside of Germany and Eastern France, splunging into Paris East Station about seven hours after our initial departure.

In Paris- by the way we were there in May of this year too, we are shopping on the Champs Elysees. We’ll try a few Parisienne splunges- especially Le Relais where we dined in May. Only this time I am ordering a glass or two of white splunge. I couldn’t last time but I intend to ask for the wine splunge this trip.

They’ll say-

“We have a red and a slunge.”

I’ll say- “I’ll have the splunge, s’il vous plais.

We hope to see Notre Dame on the Seine Splunge as well as the entertainment district and the Bastille. You might know the Bastille if you’re a fan of Les Miserable Splunges.

I hope we get to see a few snowflurries as we splunge across one of many bridges that take Parisienne splunges from the left to the splunge bank. I want to be able to pull the collar of my coat up tight around my neck and splunge something terribly Parisienne like:

“Zee air is cool and splungy tonight. Purrhapps we should deesc-cover a cute leetle café and have a special cafe to warm zee insides.”

Good Lord, I am so Parisienne and Contenental. The splunges in Paris will never know I am truly Canadian- will they?

Note: What do you think? I made that word splunge up. It works in many different ways- doesn’t it?”

ROBBLOG #340 W E E K E N D Edition

2011-11-18T00:24:00.000-05:00

I wrote this RobBlog #340 before we got a few centimetres of the white stuff. Double digit temps return on Saturday so be patient. Here’s what I wrote for you before the Thursday evening Blizzard hit us!

Down the street a neighbour has two fuschia baskets hanging on their front verandah. The pair of plants are blooming like crazy. Another block away, a still-flowering bunch of ivy geraniums cascade from a wooden bucket, like it was early July.

I have a Boston fern, a pink ivy geranium and a deep red, zonal geranium still in good condition. On cool days and cold overnights they nestle next to a window in the garage. On warm days and mild nights I bring bring them out onto the back deck. I don’t know how long before they get sent to the yard waste bin- just not yet. A neighbour has told me she’ll keep the geraniums in her basement over the winter. She loves plants and gardening! Maybe they’ll get a winter home inside away from frost and freezing temps.

So folks- this is November?

I know we had a skiff of snow a week ago- Barrie got clobbered of course, however it is past mid-November. I cut the grass and mulched some leaves with the mower two days ago! I am still riding 15k on my bike on sunny or mild days.

This is nuts!

I am not complaining though…

The other day the Gordon Lightfoot Trail was packed with folks walking, running, rollerblading and bicycling and at 3:30 in the afternoon.

Over the past week, I’ve been putting up outdoor Christmas lights while wearing just a tee shirt or light sweater. One day, I even broke into a sweat while stashing wicker furniture away for the winter in our Shed-Mahal.

Cripes!

It seems odd.

I do remember a November/December a few years back- after we moved to Pine Tree House, where we didn’t see a flake of snow- let alone snow on the ground until New Year’s Eve.

That was brilliant!

I’m all for winter activities for those who appreciate skiing and tobogganing and the resorts that rely on winter weather to make their “doh rei mei” but personally, if I want to see snow, I can look at a photograph.

This year it seems a bit strange that Santa Claus Parades are happening everywhere., every weekend. Holiday House Tours are in full swing and stores are pushing their Christmas products. Christmas songs are playing over loud speakers at Wal*Mart as well as on Swisssh Radio and Swisssh Holiday Radio.

Too early?

I’m all for brightening up November and after Hallowe’en has passed by- what else is there to celebrate? Cold weather?

That will arrive soon enough.

In the meantime, I have to run. I need to water my fern and prune my Ivy Geranium before a bike ride.

Huh…go figure.

Gardening past mid-November.

Riding the trail.

No winter boots.

Ya just gotta Love it!

ROBBLOG #339

2011-11-14T00:21:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, I just get too busy.

Sometimes, there just aren’t enough hours in a day.

Sometimes, it’s just pure laziness.

Those are my excuses and I’m sticking with them. So, ladies and Gentlemen, in a time of great need, I called Dame Clare to ask if I could re-print a column she wrote a couple of years ago.

She graciously said- yes!

So a combination of laziness, little time- as well as Dame Clare Voyant, allows me to bring you this “encore” column entitled “Up to My Armpits!”

Up To My Armpits

By Dame Clare Voyant

Well my Dears Your Royal Dameness is practically up to her perfectly shaven armpits in Holiday preparations.

I really am My Dears.

Why, there are several trees to be decorated- although my Darling Pool Boy Roger and his “hubbie” Xavier helped me drag my balls out a day or so ago to see just what I have in storage. Well, you know the “Gays” and their “balls”. Everything has to be hung just so.

My Dear’s the Palais Royale-just on the outskirts of town, will absolutely “sparkle” all through the season. From the electronically enhanced front gate to the Chauffer’s quarters we absolutely glow!

Speaking of such, I remember one year my Chauffeur Rudy got the 57 Chevy all oiled and gassed up to take Roger, Xavier, My Best friend Hedda Lettuce and myself tree shopping. Hedda, Rudy and I in the Chevy’s cab while the boys jumped into the back, wrapping their torsos in a couple of Hudson Bay blankies. Rudy cranked up the Christmas tunes and we were good to go!

This is a special tree place My Dears in that little burg called Oro-Medonte that we have driven to these past few years and now it’s all part and Christmas Parcel of our Holiday Traditions. We gathered armloads of fresh branches and a tree or two then headed back towards town. A quick stop at the Canadian Tire for some new LED lights that Rudy said we simply must have My Dears- and we were off to brunch and liquid refreshments.

Now My Dears, I must say when this group of “giddies” gets together all “heck” can break loose. We stopped at a local watering hole as you lovely folks call them, to grab a sandwich and a few beers. We chatted and laughed and talked of how we would decorate the trees.

I believe we were feeling quite happy.

I must say that My Dears.

I really must!

Roger and Xavier broke into song at several points and even encouraged one of the Male servers to sit at the old 88’s and hammer out a Christmas Song or two. It was absolutely delightful and brought me closer to the Holiday Season. Hedda and I sang our own version of the Twelve Days of Christmas however, My Dears, it got pretty naughty towards the 9^th, 10^th and 11^th days. I just couldn’t repeat here the lyrics we sang.

I really couldn’t My Dears.

I just couldn't.

So after we were all “tanked” up, off the 57 Chevy sped to the Palais just on the outskirts of town. We unloaded the boughs and trees into the barn to keep them cool while Roger and Xavier headed to the indoor pool to shimmy into their speedos for a little “heated” dip.

What memories!

Anyway, later today- present tense, Hedda and I will spread out ever issue of House and Home from the past 20 years on the Drawing Room rug and begin to look for Holiday Decorating ideas.

We’ll have a terrific time. I I really mean that My Dears.

I must toodle now because your Dameness has a date with a loofah sponge and a pedicure artiste. The things we “gals” must do to look presentable and garner that “ Holiday Glow”.

Tah for now!

ROBBLOG #338 W E E K E N D Edition

2011-11-11T13:12:00.000-05:00

That most ugly of all four letter words has surfaced here for the first time this year.

The 11^th day of the 11^th month in 2011 saw snow on my back deck. It was a surprize. It wasn’t in the forecast yesterday- at least the forecast I saw- but those crazy weather guys and gals slipped it in when we weren’t looking last evening at 7PM.

Damn them!

I still hadn’t taken the canvas cover off the gazebo on the back deck. A boston fern, a red zonal geranium and a hanging ivy geranium were still all clustered on a table beneath the canvas roof for protection from cool nights.

I moved the plants into the garage about 10ish because it was cool outside. How long do I intend to keep those plants you say?

Dunno.

I’m expecting it to get real warm again- I guess.

Imagine a boston fern still outside in November.

Then *&*&^% flurries began about midnight. South of us here in Orillia, they really got some snow. Up in Muskoka too but ours was just a light dusting. However, by 2 in the morning- yes I was up at Oh-two hundred, it was snowing a bit heavier, so I went outside and took the canvas roof off and threw it in the garage.

Why was I up at Oh Dark Hundred?

Well the computer in the Swisssh Studio that allows me to do production work- commercials and such, stopped running. It’s the computer that also hosts Swisssh Holiday Radio. So I had to quickly transfer Swisssh Holiday Radio to my laptop to keep it on air. The actual production computer is toast for now. Our friend and computer Guru Richard from Nerd on Wheels is going to try to bring it back to life. I have another un-used computer that may have to substitute. What a mess!

The computer business- not the snow!

You know technology is just great when everything works. Then, when things stop working and they break down- it’s a bloody nightmare!

Of course, snow can be a nightmare before Christmas too. I read about several accidents overnight. People still drive on snow-covered roads like it was the middle of July!

Have I snow tires on the Swissshmobile yet?

~ahem~

No.

I do have a brush or two, an ice scraper and a container of windshield antifreeze tucked away in the back seat.

Snow plus computer downtime.

What a lovely start to a day…

It could make a person cuss out loud!